Episode 4 Season 4: Trauma Reenactments

[00:00:00] Hello, Beloveds, and welcome to Christian Emotional Recovery, a podcast for those who are survivors

[00:00:11] of childhood trauma, emotional neglect, and narcissistic abuse.

[00:00:17] This podcast is hosted by Rachel Leroy, a college professor and trauma survivor.

[00:00:24] Many of us spend years trying to heal and don't get anywhere.

[00:00:29] We don't always target the trauma itself, which is so often what keeps us stuck.

[00:00:35] This podcast is where faith meets science.

[00:00:38] Rachel is an emotional healing expert with 20 years of experience applying healing modalities

[00:00:45] that helped her start making progress after nothing else worked.

[00:00:49] She'll show you how to do the same.

[00:00:52] Each week we'll cover a topic that will show you how to heal trauma for good.

[00:00:58] Please check out our website and show notes at ChristianEmotionalRecovery.com and join

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[00:01:17] Hello everyone and welcome to season 4, episode 4 of Christian Emotional Recovery.

[00:01:22] I'm your host, Rachel Leroy, and I am so glad to be here.

[00:01:27] Thank you for joining me for podcast number 4 of season 4.

[00:01:31] This episode will be trauma reenactments.

[00:01:35] I've been wanting to do an episode on this for about 3 years now and I've just not been

[00:01:41] able to get a grasp on how I wanted to do it.

[00:01:44] And I realized I was overthinking it, so here we are and we're going to do the episode.

[00:01:49] Trauma reenactments, we're going to talk a little bit about what a trauma reenactment

[00:01:53] is and why it occurs.

[00:01:55] We're going to go over a definition, why discuss trauma reenactments, and why

[00:02:00] do trauma reenactments occur.

[00:02:03] We're going to talk about that.

[00:02:06] And then we're going to talk about reenactments in our close relationships based on one of

[00:02:09] the articles we're using, what are ways to heal, prevent and overcome reenactments,

[00:02:15] specific practices that can help us overcome them, and other practices that can help

[00:02:19] us overcome them as well.

[00:02:20] And then some closing thoughts.

[00:02:22] Before we get started on the episode on trauma reenactments, please keep in mind

[00:02:26] that you can subscribe to the YouTube channel.

[00:02:28] I will hopefully have videos out in the new future.

[00:02:31] I've had some health issues, so I'm doing the best I can right now and I will put

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[00:04:12] website has more on the podcast which is Rachel Leroy.com R-A-C-H-E-L-L-E-R-O-Y.com.

[00:04:21] So let's go ahead and jump straight into this episode so that we can learn more

[00:04:27] about trauma reenactments, what they are and why we're discussing it and ways

[00:04:31] that we can overcome those because trauma reenactments are tricky and

[00:04:34] difficult.

[00:04:35] Kind of like we talked about shame last time and shame is one of those

[00:04:38] deep difficult core wounds.

[00:04:42] Our trauma reenactments come from those core wounds.

[00:04:46] So there's a connection even though this is not a series between

[00:04:49] shame which helps to create and trauma helps to create some of those

[00:04:53] patterns and what's conditioned in our brain.

[00:04:56] That's why we do the rewiring, right?

[00:04:58] That's why we get trauma out of the body because those are two ways that

[00:05:02] we start to heal and change those trauma reenactments but the trauma

[00:05:06] reenactments come from inside of us and they come to the surface in our

[00:05:11] lives and they're expressed in ways that actually manifest in our lives

[00:05:17] and so by attracting certain things into our lives I'm not blaming.

[00:05:22] There's no blame here.

[00:05:24] There's no shame here.

[00:05:25] There's no condemnation here.

[00:05:27] Remember there's no condemnation for those who are in Christ.

[00:05:30] So this is not about shame or blame.

[00:05:32] This is not your fault.

[00:05:33] If you're programmed a certain way to reenact certain patterns in

[00:05:38] your life that are not healthy, that's not your fault.

[00:05:41] It's not your fault at all.

[00:05:43] It's a matter of understanding it and understanding where it comes from

[00:05:47] and giving yourself patience and grace and kindness just like you would

[00:05:50] somebody else in a similar situation within reason.

[00:05:53] Of course, with somebody else, right?

[00:05:55] We don't accept abuse and stuff.

[00:05:58] We set boundaries with people and we set boundaries especially with

[00:06:01] people who are unhealthy and toxic and so forth and so on.

[00:06:06] But let's go ahead and jump into the trauma reenactments.

[00:06:09] I'm using articles as always or as usual to back what I'm saying

[00:06:15] because I don't want you to just think I'm pulling this out of my shoe.

[00:06:18] I'm actually using research as I usually do.

[00:06:22] I'm a scholar and I believe in using scholarly research for talks that are

[00:06:26] more specific.

[00:06:27] I also do talks sometimes that come from my heart and they're not

[00:06:30] necessarily research-based.

[00:06:32] I think there's a place for both.

[00:06:34] And so today we're doing something that's more research-based but

[00:06:36] this is also a topic that's near and dear to my heart because it's an

[00:06:40] area where I know I need to keep working and where I want to learn.

[00:06:43] I put it out there on the podcast because I know that there's probably a lot of

[00:06:47] other people that could benefit from it as well.

[00:06:49] So here we are.

[00:06:50] So the concept of trauma reenactments.

[00:06:55] What are trauma reenactments and why do they occur?

[00:06:59] So a definition of a trauma reenactment is a term co-opted in the

[00:07:04] psychological trauma literature by Dr.

[00:07:07] Bessel Vanderkulk to refer to specific actions, behaviors or

[00:07:12] relationship patterns associated with one's history of trauma that are

[00:07:16] repeated by that person in subsequent situations or relationships.

[00:07:20] So let me step back here for a second.

[00:07:22] Dr. Bessel Vanderkulk is basically the father of trauma research and I'm

[00:07:27] constantly recommending his book, The Body Keeps the Score.

[00:07:31] If you want to start one place with trauma and you want to learn about it

[00:07:35] and how it works and how you can heal it, start with Dr.

[00:07:39] Vanderkulk's book. That's V-A-N-S-P-E-R-K-O-L-K.

[00:07:45] And that's The Body Keeps the Score and I will note that in the show notes.

[00:07:51] I'll add that to the show notes.

[00:07:53] Let me go back to the definition.

[00:07:55] It's a term co-opted or created in the psychological trauma literature by

[00:07:59] Dr. Vanderkulk to refer to specific actions, behaviors or

[00:08:03] relationship patterns associated with one's history of trauma

[00:08:07] that are repeated by that person in subsequent situations or

[00:08:10] relationships. Repetition may be intentional, compulsive or

[00:08:15] unconscious in nature and can include returning to dangerous locations in

[00:08:18] which assaults occurred or pursuing romantic

[00:08:22] partners with behaviors and personality features similar to those of past

[00:08:27] perpetrators. So that's a pretty hard core definition

[00:08:31] so let me add some context to this. First of all, if you're doing this

[00:08:35] in most cases it's not your fault. Second of all, people tend to come to

[00:08:40] and are unconsciously attracted to similar patterns

[00:08:45] and behaviors that they found in their childhood in people.

[00:08:49] Third of all, this is something that happens

[00:08:52] because people are trying to resolve their trauma but they're doing it

[00:08:56] unconsciously in very unhealthy ways. And we're going to talk about that in

[00:09:00] just a little bit. So what are trauma reenactments

[00:09:03] and why do they occur? The trauma reenactment may be reliving a

[00:09:07] similar situation in relationships. That's the number one one that you

[00:09:10] hear about. You see all kinds of YouTube videos and books and stuff

[00:09:14] about love and romantic partners and narcissistic abuse in

[00:09:18] relationships and stuff like that. But this doesn't just happen in

[00:09:21] romantic relationships though it does. It also happens

[00:09:25] in other relationships and it happens in other areas of our lives

[00:09:28] but it says the reenactment may be reliving

[00:09:32] similar situations in relationships, circumstances,

[00:09:36] experiences and choices from past ones whether one is doing

[00:09:40] this unconsciously through no fault of their own or through conscious choices.

[00:09:45] Reenactment is also called repetition compulsion.

[00:09:49] So keep that phrase in mind it comes back

[00:09:52] it's a similar term but it's not exactly the same repetition compulsion

[00:09:56] and we'll come back to that term a little later.

[00:09:59] Okay so why do we discuss trauma reenactments? Why is that important and

[00:10:05] why have I chosen this as a topic for today's podcast? That's a very good

[00:10:08] question. So reenactments in some ways are the

[00:10:11] roots of many or most of our current repeated traumas now.

[00:10:15] That's no small thing that's a big thing I'll say it again.

[00:10:18] Reenactments in some ways are the roots of many or most of our current

[00:10:21] repeated traumas now. So understanding reenactments,

[00:10:25] what they are, why they occur and how we experience them and where they come from

[00:10:30] is the first step in deconstructing them

[00:10:34] and changing these patterns from the unconscious mind

[00:10:37] outward. Understanding where these patterns come from,

[00:10:41] the compulsions and unconscious patterns that contribute to them

[00:10:44] and becoming aware of ways to stop this process through therapy,

[00:10:48] trauma healing, God's help and body work among other strategies is a step

[00:10:53] towards overcoming and in time stopping these patterns so we can live the life

[00:10:57] God intended us to live. So that's why we discuss trauma reenactments.

[00:11:04] And of course everybody has their own reasons and if you come up with your

[00:11:07] own authentic reasons to motivate you, you're more likely to stay on the

[00:11:11] healing path and continue to do this work successfully.

[00:11:14] So why do trauma reenactments occur? Why do trauma reenactments occur?

[00:11:19] So I went through a pretty lengthy scholarly article by Michael Levy,

[00:11:24] PhD and it was in the National Library of Medicine and

[00:11:28] it's called A Helpful Way to Conceptualize and Understand Trauma Reenactments.

[00:11:33] But I've adapted a lot of what it talks about

[00:11:36] in to my own words. So bear with me, I'm going to read through a list of

[00:11:40] different types of reasons that trauma reenactments occur. And there are

[00:11:46] others and this may not be all of them, but this is what the research shows

[00:11:50] based on studies in I'm using this article and I'll put the

[00:11:53] scholarly article in the show notes as always. So there's six

[00:11:58] reasons here that were broken down into my own words and one is an

[00:12:03] attempt to re-achieve mastery. Another one is reenacting through

[00:12:07] adaptation. Another one is reenacting through

[00:12:11] maladaptation. A reenactment through rigid

[00:12:14] defenses is number four. Reenactment caused by

[00:12:18] affective dysregulation and cognitive reactions is number five. That's affective,

[00:12:24] not effective. And then reenactments caused by

[00:12:27] general ego deficits. We will talk about that in a little bit too. This is

[00:12:30] not about you being deficient in any way. It's just

[00:12:34] about the psychological terminology that they're using here. So bear with me

[00:12:38] if I get a little technical just for a second. I try not to do that too

[00:12:41] often, but I do like to use scholarly psychological research

[00:12:46] a good bit of the time. So the first reason that we do trauma reenactments

[00:12:51] according to Michael Levy and his research

[00:12:54] is an attempt to re-achieve mastery. And what that means is that sometimes it

[00:12:58] may be a choice we make so we can quote, this is from the article,

[00:13:02] actively reenact elements of past traumatic experience as a way to

[00:13:06] cope with and master it. At times attempt, the attempt is

[00:13:11] an adaptive process that facilitates the successful

[00:13:15] resolution of working through of earlier trauma. In other cases, however, the

[00:13:19] effort to master the trauma is maladaptive and the strategy results

[00:13:24] in continued distress and difficulties for the

[00:13:28] individual. So basically it's saying here that sometimes it's a way to try to

[00:13:33] cope with and master it in a positive way even though it might not be the

[00:13:37] best thing to do. And in other cases it's

[00:13:39] maladaptive, that's the next couple of them, adaptation and

[00:13:43] mastery and sorry adaptation and maladaptation. So Freud, we all know

[00:13:49] Freud right, stated that those who do not remember past trauma

[00:13:53] may have the drive to repeat the repressed experience in this present

[00:13:57] life. I'll say that again. Freud stated that those who do not remember

[00:14:00] past trauma may have the drive to repeat the repressed

[00:14:04] experience in their present life. That is why doing the healing work and

[00:14:08] taking ownership of trauma healing is so important. So that's the first one.

[00:14:14] The second type of reenactment that happens or why trauma reenactment may occur

[00:14:19] is reenactment through adaptation. This is from the article by Levy.

[00:14:23] It has been suggested that actively reenacting past trauma can provide an

[00:14:27] opportunity for an individual to integrate and work through terror,

[00:14:32] helplessness and other feelings and beliefs

[00:14:34] surrounding the original trauma. There's a lot of research on that. That's

[00:14:38] the end of the quote. So in other words, this is a healthier

[00:14:41] form of attempting to master our trauma where we put ourselves in a

[00:14:45] similar situation by trying to adapt through re-exposure or

[00:14:50] trying to master our old traumas by facing them. It's a good

[00:14:53] motive but it sometimes doesn't always work. So this can be

[00:14:57] re-traumatizing or be healing but it depends on the complex set of

[00:15:01] variables as to the outcome. That's why I argue that

[00:15:06] using having a therapist so they can help you through the nuances of this

[00:15:10] tricky stuff can be so helpful and your experience

[00:15:13] can also give you insights and wisdom into what to do and what not to do as

[00:15:17] well. But it's an art form, you know? It's not

[00:15:20] perfect. It's a process and it says this motivation may be well

[00:15:24] intended but it can be re-traumatizing as well. So that's

[00:15:27] number two. Reenactment through adaptation. Number three of why do

[00:15:31] trauma reenactments occur. Reenactment through

[00:15:34] maladaptation. And this one is a person may unconsciously seek out situations

[00:15:38] that are familiar because trauma is a familiar experience. They

[00:15:43] may become victimizers and abusers themselves if they were abused for

[00:15:47] example or they may end up in situations in future

[00:15:50] relationships that are similar to previous experiences where they were

[00:15:54] abused. For example narcissistic abuse. If one of your parents was a

[00:15:57] narcissist you're more likely to end up with a narcissist great, right?

[00:16:01] It sucks but that's how the pattern works but there is hope that you can get out of

[00:16:05] it. And then continuing this is unconscious and not

[00:16:09] the person's fault, it's not your fault but it is an unconscious pattern and it

[00:16:13] is what is habitual and familiar. This is why becoming conscious of the

[00:16:17] unconscious is so vital. I'll say it again, this is why

[00:16:21] becoming conscious of the unconscious is so vital because

[00:16:26] it's habitual, it's familiar and we are not necessarily conscious of it so

[00:16:31] becoming conscious of it in a healthy way can help us to start

[00:16:34] to understand ourselves so we can start to overcome this.

[00:16:38] So the fourth way that trauma reenactments occur and why they occur

[00:16:42] is reenactment through rigid defenses. So this one is trying so hard to

[00:16:48] avoid the situation that someone leads themselves to the very problem they

[00:16:53] tried hard to avoid. Oh great right? So for instance people who are afraid of

[00:16:58] abandonment because they were abandoned as a child either

[00:17:01] figuratively or literally might be rigid and controlling and insecure in

[00:17:05] relationships based on their fears or they might be clingy

[00:17:08] in unhealthy ways and this might cost them to repeat this experience because

[00:17:12] the other person might end up leaving or abandoning them.

[00:17:16] Again that's harsh reality and it's not the person's fault but that's

[00:17:21] one of the patterns that occurs in trauma reenactment.

[00:17:24] Okay and it's something that's why you need to be so kind to yourself and

[00:17:29] give yourself space to heal. So why do trauma reenactments occur?

[00:17:35] Number five, reenactments caused by effective

[00:17:38] dysregulation and cognitive reactions that's AFFECTIVE not

[00:17:43] effective okay. Reenactments caused by effective

[00:17:46] dysregulation and cognitive reactions or through difficult

[00:17:50] emotions in similar situations. I put that in my own words so it's more

[00:17:55] palatable I guess. So through difficult emotions in similar

[00:17:58] situations when people have not integrated and

[00:18:02] healed past emotions from similar traumatic experiences

[00:18:06] then when something similar happens whether it's a true threat

[00:18:10] the same feelings will come up again leading to a reenactment in some cases.

[00:18:14] This is not to blame the trauma survivor but it is an unconscious response.

[00:18:18] So effective dysregulation and cognitive reactions reacting to a

[00:18:22] situation that you know is traumatic and you react in a similar way with those

[00:18:26] emotions. Not your fault but it does happen. For example

[00:18:30] fight or flight in a situation that is anxiety inducing or

[00:18:34] something that makes you angry that anger is going to come up right? You have to

[00:18:37] deal with that anger to be able to heal it or the anxiety or whatever the

[00:18:41] case may be. Last one so the last why do trauma

[00:18:45] reenactments occur? Number six is reenactments caused by

[00:18:48] general ego deficits. This is a terminology this is I'm not

[00:18:52] calling anybody here deficient or anything like that this is just a term

[00:18:56] okay again not the fault of the person but

[00:18:59] this is about healing these areas. People in these situations are more

[00:19:03] likely to become addicted, have psychological problems and not make

[00:19:07] choices that will allow one to heal. These lifestyle choices can cause

[00:19:11] reenactments because the person feels helpless and feels they cannot do

[00:19:15] anything about it because it's so pervasive and it's so embedded in your

[00:19:19] life you literally think it's just that's the way life is. You don't even

[00:19:23] question that this is something you can heal but this is not how life is

[00:19:26] that this is just a pattern inside of you and that you can

[00:19:30] there can something can be done about it and you can heal

[00:19:34] and so even though this is not true that's how people will often think

[00:19:38] in reenactments caused by general ego deficits.

[00:19:41] The person is immersed in the trauma experience and can make choices that

[00:19:45] put them in situations that are more likely to put them in a situation of

[00:19:48] abuse, put up with unfair situations and tolerate

[00:19:51] unhealthy situations so it could just be oh well there's nothing I can do about

[00:19:56] it anyway or they try to find coping mechanisms that are

[00:19:59] unhealthy that can actually reintroduce certain

[00:20:02] traumatic experiences. So that's number six. So these reasons

[00:20:07] for reenactments can sound bleak but that is why this

[00:20:11] podcast exists. This is why doing the healing work in the body mind and soul

[00:20:15] is emphasized on this podcast so let me just repeat them.

[00:20:19] Why do trauma reenactments occur and what are the different types?

[00:20:23] An attempt to re-achieve mastery, reenactment through adaptation,

[00:20:29] reenactment through maladaptation, reenactment through rigid defenses,

[00:20:35] reenactments caused by effective dysregulation and cognitive reactions

[00:20:40] and reenactments caused by general ego deficits and those are

[00:20:44] the ones that come from the Levy article in the National Library of Medicine.

[00:20:50] Okay so that is some of the reasons for them and some of the types I guess you

[00:20:55] could say it's kind of both and then so reenactments in our close

[00:20:58] relationships. I thought it was important to really talk about this here

[00:21:03] because that's where most people get hung up and that's where most people

[00:21:07] think about trauma reenactments. Yes they occur in all kinds of situations

[00:21:11] but this one really stands out to me as being one that

[00:21:15] really affects us more than anything else our relationships that's everything

[00:21:20] right? Our relationships are everything. The Psychology Today article is written

[00:21:25] by Annie Tana-Sigarn, Tana-Sigarn, PhD

[00:21:31] and she writes trauma reenactment in our intimate relationships

[00:21:35] so that's the name of the article and it's in Psychology Today but I just wanted

[00:21:38] to hit some of the highlights of trauma reenactments in our

[00:21:42] relationships. I don't want to get too embedded in this and too dug down in it

[00:21:46] but I do want to talk about it a little bit. So a couple of those main points

[00:21:52] from the article. It's patterns of

[00:21:55] revictimization in a person's romantic relationships may be based on

[00:21:59] unconsciously choosing partners that trigger attachment wounds.

[00:22:02] We've talked about attachment wounds and there's a podcast episode or a youtube

[00:22:07] video one or the other that talks about attachment wounds and if you

[00:22:10] google that or look it up you'll be able to find that and then you can

[00:22:14] get more information on attachment wounds so if you're not sure about those

[00:22:17] you might go back and listen to that one as well.

[00:22:21] But the next one point that stands out about reenactments in close

[00:22:25] relationships is patterns of revictimizations in a person's

[00:22:28] romantic relationships may be based on unconsciously choosing partners that

[00:22:33] trigger attachment wounds. So that's one that I really want to

[00:22:35] emphasize because that's a big deal right? And then my own added ideas here to

[00:22:40] this is if someone experienced childhood emotional neglect or

[00:22:43] abandonment trauma they're more likely to enter

[00:22:45] relationships that reinforce those wounds. Great right? But that's

[00:22:49] that's part of the healing process. Part of this is because it's unconscious

[00:22:53] familiar and feels like what is quote normal. We have to understand

[00:22:57] and challenge these problems to change the patterns.

[00:23:00] And then continuing with summarizing the Psychology Today article it says we tend

[00:23:06] to unconsciously gravitate to what feels comfortable even though it talks

[00:23:10] it to our psychological health and emotional growth.

[00:23:14] And then my own ideas here again while it can be easy to fall into old

[00:23:17] patterns knowing what they are working through the

[00:23:21] core wounds and staying aware and alert of these will help us resist

[00:23:25] the need to continue to repeat patterns with repetition compulsion.

[00:23:29] There's that term again. I'll say it again while it can be easy to fall into old

[00:23:34] patterns knowing them working through the core wounds and staying

[00:23:38] aware and alert of these will help us resist the need to continue to repeat

[00:23:42] patterns with repetition compulsion. It can be challenging to overcome these

[00:23:47] patterns they are unique to our early childhood

[00:23:50] experiences that molded our unconscious mind with attachment

[00:23:54] and choices. Getting professional help to be a witness,

[00:23:58] support and guide on the process can help you start identifying these patterns.

[00:24:02] It's good to have somebody who can see from the outside because we're so

[00:24:06] immersed in our own world in our own wounds.

[00:24:09] Yes we can see them but somebody else who's kind and supportive and trauma

[00:24:14] informed can help you give you an objective

[00:24:16] perspective on these and help you to learn to look at your own wounds

[00:24:20] and patterns objectively as well. So getting professional help they can be a

[00:24:26] witness, a support and a guide in the process to help you start

[00:24:29] identifying these patterns healing the inner wounds and changing the

[00:24:33] behaviors that repeat these patterns. It's not easy but it is worth it.

[00:24:38] So when the source of the wounds is healed we stop repeating these trauma

[00:24:42] patterns that were never our fault however it is up to us to heal them

[00:24:46] with God's help. When early so one more

[00:24:52] point here on the Psychology Today article, when early attachment trauma is

[00:24:56] reenacted it is often based on intergenerational

[00:24:59] transmission of abuse, neglect, abandonment or betrayal.

[00:25:03] What does that mean? So if our parents or our caretakers pass down certain

[00:25:07] patterns to us or modeled certain behavior for us or treated us a certain

[00:25:11] way then that gets embedded in our subconscious mind either

[00:25:14] based on how we're responding to it or in some cases we even repeat

[00:25:18] those patterns towards ourselves and towards other people

[00:25:21] and we attract people that are like that into our lives that continue those

[00:25:26] patterns until we heal them. So we often choose partners and other

[00:25:30] people in our lives with similar patterns as our caretakers.

[00:25:33] While this isn't a fun reality we know that this can help us become aware of

[00:25:37] it and ask questions for ourselves that are unique to our own

[00:25:40] situation. Journaling, meditation, prayer,

[00:25:44] reflection and therapy as well as somatic healing of trauma in the

[00:25:48] body can help improve these areas of our lives

[00:25:51] and heal them with time. What are ways to heal, prevent and overcome reenactments?

[00:25:55] So we've talked about what reenactments are, we've talked about where they come

[00:25:59] from, we've talked about the types that there are and we've talked about how

[00:26:02] they can come from and be in our relationships. How do they

[00:26:06] pervade our relationships? Keep in mind that you can also have

[00:26:09] positive patterns in your life as well. If somebody modeled health and love

[00:26:13] to you in a certain area of your life that's going to

[00:26:16] trickle down into positive habits and positive patterns as well

[00:26:20] so keep that in mind as well. It's not just a negative thing, there's a positive

[00:26:23] side to this as well and that's what healing changes those patterns so you

[00:26:27] can have positive patterns in healthy relationships

[00:26:30] and positive and healthy reenactments so to speak. I don't know if that's the

[00:26:33] right word but you get what i'm saying right?

[00:26:36] So what are ways to heal, prevent and overcome reenactments?

[00:26:41] Well there is a concept called the trauma triangle

[00:26:44] and i'm going to go over that in just a second just to sort of give you

[00:26:47] some clarification on this and trauma reenactments are not about

[00:26:52] blame but i just wanted to talk a little bit about ways to heal this and so

[00:26:57] i'm going to read in the trauma triangle article to give you some

[00:27:03] context okay. So there is an article called the trauma

[00:27:10] triangle how fostering awareness of reenactments builds resilience.

[00:27:14] Trauma triangle how fostering awareness of reenactments builds resilience and

[00:27:18] this is by Shenandoah Shephalo. Shenandoah Shephalo, that's a beautiful name

[00:27:23] and it's at pacesconnection.com. Pacesconnection.com. I'll put it in the

[00:27:27] show notes you can read and look at and refer to any of these articles.

[00:27:31] As long as the links are still good keep in mind that if you're listening

[00:27:33] to this later i can't promise all the links are there but this was

[00:27:36] they were there when i recorded the episode. So

[00:27:40] a little bit about the trauma triangle it says the trauma triangle how

[00:27:44] fostering awareness of reenactments builds resilience. So we hear that word a

[00:27:48] lot we saw it in shame, shame resilience and so now we're talking

[00:27:53] about trauma reenactment resilience the same kind of thing but just a

[00:27:57] different concept where resilience is applied as well and it says

[00:28:01] the basic concept surrounding trauma informed care is this

[00:28:05] we all have trauma. So even though some of us

[00:28:08] lives our lives are more impacted by trauma every human being

[00:28:12] does not get off this planet or out of childhood without a little bit of trauma

[00:28:15] okay so that is part of life but some of us are at higher risk of

[00:28:19] experiencing trauma we carry this trauma with us and if we do not address

[00:28:24] it we will not heal from it. Understanding reenactments is

[00:28:27] one way that we can continue healing our trauma. Our healing helps make us

[00:28:32] sure that we don't traumatize or retraumatize others

[00:28:36] due to our own inability to emotionally regulate.

[00:28:39] In the context of trauma healing there are three main things we seek to

[00:28:42] accomplish when considering reenactments one learning the language and

[00:28:46] concepts of reenactments which is what we're doing here.

[00:28:49] Identifying reenactments in our own lives in retrospect as they unfold in

[00:28:54] real time. Number two so being able to catch those

[00:28:57] as they happen in real time and then number three breaking

[00:29:01] out of reenactments as we step into healing empowerment and positive

[00:29:05] change. So learning the language and concepts of

[00:29:08] reenactments identifying them in retrospect as they unfold in real time

[00:29:12] and breaking out of those as we step into healing empowerment and positive

[00:29:15] change. Now that sounds difficult and it is but

[00:29:20] as we become aware of it I've talked about this a lot there's a

[00:29:23] trigger or something that happens and then there's our response or our

[00:29:27] reaction to it. We can't always control that space in

[00:29:30] between but the more we can spread out that space between those

[00:29:35] and make a different choice that's where the point of

[00:29:39] power is. Louise Hay always said the point of power is in the present moment

[00:29:44] and so that space between us something happening and our reaction allows us to

[00:29:48] stop become aware and observe something so that

[00:29:52] we can make a different choice even if it's not easy

[00:29:55] that's something that number three is talking about there.

[00:29:59] So it covers those bases in the article and then it says the

[00:30:04] reenactment triangle, drama triangle and trauma triangle.

[00:30:09] So it says don't worry there's only one triangle you need to know

[00:30:13] for now the reenactment triangle is also known as the drama triangle or the

[00:30:17] trauma triangle we'll use these terms interchangeably while

[00:30:21] the language varies slightly across different models the concept is the

[00:30:24] same and then it says Dr. Stephen Cartman developed

[00:30:28] the original drama triangle which identifies three major roles people

[00:30:33] take on during reenactment the victim the persecutor and the

[00:30:37] rescuer i'll say it again the victim the persecutor and the

[00:30:40] rescuer in the drama triangle the participants mindsets are

[00:30:45] marked by blaming entitlement and helplessness so this applies to the

[00:30:50] victim blaming the persecutor entitlement and the

[00:30:53] rescuer helplessness again this is not to judge or to

[00:30:57] condemn anybody it's not your fault especially if your event

[00:31:01] blamer if you're a victim or a rescuer the persecutor sometimes we're not aware

[00:31:09] of that and then we become aware of it we can stop it in its tracks

[00:31:13] because we're all perpetrators at times as well

[00:31:16] even though we may be more victims there might be times where we

[00:31:20] put these things on other people put our trauma on other people

[00:31:23] and while we may not do that on purpose we may need to go back and

[00:31:26] apologize or make it right or fix that or do something better

[00:31:31] so common thoughts may include this is all there or my fault

[00:31:35] they owe me they i should have done said that they i didn't mean to

[00:31:40] there's nothing they i can do it will always be this way things will never

[00:31:44] change so i'm there's a lot of detail here and this is a really good article

[00:31:48] but i'm not going to go into all of this but there's a lot of helpful

[00:31:53] information here on the trauma triangle and how

[00:31:57] it can just understanding it can help you to start

[00:32:00] interrupting these patterns in your life and then i want to read a little bit

[00:32:07] more of the article to give you a little more context here

[00:32:12] so a little bit of context here the victim there's nothing i can do

[00:32:16] the victim sees themselves as powerless a powerless entity subject to

[00:32:19] outside forces even when they find themselves in situations completely

[00:32:23] under their control and i've got an episode

[00:32:26] called learned helplessness that talks about this whole concept

[00:32:29] they are blind to the influence they have on any given situation and may

[00:32:32] resign themselves to suffering because there's quote nothing i can do

[00:32:36] and so the rescuer just reading part of these i'm the only one who can help

[00:32:41] i'm the only one who can help the rescuer requires a caretaking role

[00:32:45] to feel good about themselves like you feel worthless if you don't

[00:32:48] as christians this happens a lot because we get it in our head we're

[00:32:52] supposed to love other people we're supposed to help other people

[00:32:54] and we are but it can get to the point that it's toxic and if it comes from

[00:32:59] a place that comes from trauma instead of really wanting because we love god or

[00:33:03] we love people to do something or contribute in some way or help somebody

[00:33:07] then that's where it becomes unhealthy and that's where we need to work on

[00:33:11] our motives and work on setting boundaries and healing ourselves from

[00:33:15] this stuff and it says that doesn't sound too

[00:33:17] bad until you realize how intensely rescuers neglect their own needs and

[00:33:22] favor of caring for others people who fall into this role of the

[00:33:25] rescuer tend to become overworked and burnt out church people especially right

[00:33:31] or people that do humanitarian work but in this state they also become

[00:33:34] resentful of those who accept the help the strange duality is that the

[00:33:38] rescuer may help others without being asked and still be resentful

[00:33:42] and then there's more but i won't go into that and then lastly the

[00:33:45] persecutor this is all your fault that's more likely to be a

[00:33:48] narcissist but all persecutors are not

[00:33:51] not narcissists we're all in this role sometimes all of us

[00:33:54] so the persecutor is a strict extremist who is quick to blame

[00:33:58] others so it's in certain situations we may get this way

[00:34:02] they are often overly critical and controlling they can be rigid angry

[00:34:06] and even threatening at times persecutors are also highly judgmental

[00:34:10] and quick to point out perceived flaws and their criticism is rarely

[00:34:14] constructive just as the rescuer requires a victim the

[00:34:17] persecutor requires a scapegoat their scapegoat may be a victim or a

[00:34:21] rescuer so you start to see that relationship here

[00:34:25] and in some cases two people can be two of three roles

[00:34:28] i've seen that happen i've seen rescuers that were also persecutors

[00:34:32] some people can vacillate back and forth in a relationship between the

[00:34:36] victim and the persecutor some people may just be one of these

[00:34:39] so it just depends it's complex and you have to look at each

[00:34:43] situation on a case-by-case basis so that's a little bit about

[00:34:49] how to stop reenactments in its tracks basically the way that you do that is

[00:34:55] to understand that okay how to identify reenactments

[00:35:00] is the first one that i want to talk about from here

[00:35:04] this is from the same article how to identify reenactments

[00:35:08] take a moment to consider a specific time when you were engaged in a

[00:35:11] reenactment why do you suspect it was a reenactment

[00:35:15] which role or roles did you take on which role or roles did the other person or

[00:35:20] persons take on so that if you go on down the

[00:35:24] article how to work identify reenactments in our lives how to spot

[00:35:28] a reenactment how to stop a reenactment that is the most vital part

[00:35:33] of this whole podcast so go look at this article and do

[00:35:37] some journaling on this in your own life and it'll help you start to

[00:35:41] spot this stuff and start to identify and then start to make

[00:35:44] changes okay do it without judgment don't beat on yourself don't lay or just

[00:35:50] observe and know let yourself feel what you're feeling

[00:35:53] and so forth and so on so how to stop how to identify

[00:35:57] reenactments in our own life and then how to spot a reenactment

[00:36:02] so reflecting is a great tool to build your skill for identifying reenactments

[00:36:07] this is still in the paces connection article with the trauma triangle

[00:36:11] it's more challenging to identify a reenactment when you're in one but it

[00:36:16] is possible because you're in the middle of it right

[00:36:19] with enough practice and the right tools anyone can identify a reenactment as

[00:36:23] it's happening knowing which roles you gravitate to the most

[00:36:27] can help you spot when a reenactment is happening

[00:36:30] it can also be beneficial to know you are a more susceptible to trauma

[00:36:34] responses when you are so we are more likely to experience reenactments

[00:36:39] when we are experiencing a lot of stress when our window of

[00:36:42] tolerance has decreased when our attachment needs are triggered

[00:36:46] when we fall into familiar toxic relationship dynamics and when we don't

[00:36:50] feel safe so how to stop a reenactment in its

[00:36:55] tracks how to stop a reenactment breaking out of a

[00:36:58] reenactment is all about shifting your perspective

[00:37:01] i found that the easiest way to break out of a reenactment is to realize

[00:37:05] a reenactment is happening choose to pause remember i was talking about that a

[00:37:11] second ago choose to pause and then decide how you want to break the

[00:37:15] reenactment decide how you want to break the

[00:37:18] reenactment only one person needs to break the pattern it says to help

[00:37:21] both people escape the reenactment triangle and then the author says my

[00:37:25] favorite way to break a reenactment is to name it

[00:37:28] entainment name it entainment so when you use this method you put the

[00:37:32] conversation on pause and you can do this by saying

[00:37:35] hey i'm noticing that we're doing this thing again it says we're in a reenactment

[00:37:38] but who's going to know what that is i'm noticing we're doing this thing

[00:37:41] again might be a better way so people know what you're talking about

[00:37:44] i don't like the back and forth that's happening can we table this

[00:37:47] conversation can we come back to this later is another one or let me get

[00:37:50] back to you as another one i use i'm feeling a lot of

[00:37:54] discomfort can we pause the conversation and come back to it later

[00:37:57] i'm noticing the urge to play victim rescuer persecutor right now

[00:38:01] or you could just say i'm noticing that i'm not being my best self right now

[00:38:04] i don't want to get wrapped up in a reenactment so can we shift the

[00:38:07] conversation so pausing the conversation can sometimes be powerful

[00:38:12] enough but not always sometimes you may need

[00:38:16] to acknowledge the other person or apologize

[00:38:20] or acknowledge the parts you agree with thank them for pointing out

[00:38:23] certain things they're pointing out to you if it's helpful

[00:38:26] tell them they're right if they're right in a situation or

[00:38:29] you know talk about how complexity is and so avoiding the temptation to place

[00:38:33] blame owning your own actions and feelings

[00:38:36] kindly holding yourself and others accountable for their actions setting

[00:38:40] loving boundaries accepting responsibility for creating positive

[00:38:45] change challenge the idea that anyone owes you anything

[00:38:49] acknowledge everyone's capacity for change and empower others

[00:38:52] with support and encouragement so those are some strategies for breaking free of

[00:38:57] a trauma triangle or a trauma reenactment okay

[00:39:02] so those are some strategies for overcoming trauma reenactment and that's

[00:39:06] from the trauma triangle article so other practices specific practices

[00:39:12] rethinking the roles of the victim rescue and persecutor is one way to

[00:39:15] do this we may also take on the sum of all

[00:39:18] these roles at different times if we're experiencing traumatic

[00:39:21] situations particularly in relationships related to childhood

[00:39:25] but ways we can do this is reframing the victim as the driver

[00:39:30] reading important parts so reframing the victim as the driver

[00:39:36] reframing the rescuer as the supporter and reframing the persecutor as the

[00:39:41] coach so some ways that we can reframe the

[00:39:46] victim for example reframe the victim as the driver

[00:39:50] is to realize that victims often have learned helplessness and to work on the

[00:39:54] concept of learned helplessness and to realize that you have more power than

[00:39:58] you realize and more controlling you think and think about specific things

[00:40:02] you can do and to take action on those and focus on solutions instead of just

[00:40:07] the problem reframing the rescuer as the

[00:40:10] supporter that one is where somebody can help

[00:40:15] people and love them and be kind to them but also set boundaries and have

[00:40:19] balance and have self-care in this area of their lives

[00:40:22] so reframing the rescuer as the supporter is another one and then

[00:40:26] reframing the persecutor as the coach is where somebody who may have a strong

[00:40:30] personality can back off some and if somebody asks for help

[00:40:35] or suggestions and they can give those suggestions and that kind of person

[00:40:38] makes a good coach where they really encourage people and they really get

[00:40:41] them you know just make them feel like they

[00:40:45] have control and power in their life okay so that's how you can

[00:40:50] reframe some of those roles in your own life

[00:40:54] so some practices that can help you to continue to heal trauma reenactments

[00:40:59] i mentioned before but therapy somatic body work

[00:41:03] journaling meditation prayer or a supportive trauma informed ministry or

[00:41:09] course or a friend talking to a friend so therapy i talked about that earlier

[00:41:14] where you have a witness and somebody who can help you look at things

[00:41:17] objectively and see things that you can't somebody who's compassionate and

[00:41:21] trauma informed somatic body work helps you to start getting rid of the

[00:41:25] energy in your body that literally creates some of those attractions

[00:41:29] so that you can get to it at a visceral level

[00:41:32] journaling helps you to work through a lot of this stuff you could work

[00:41:35] through a lot of the questions in the articles that i've shared and in other

[00:41:39] articles meditation you can do the same thing you can observe

[00:41:42] and you can also just do meditations that help you to be calmer

[00:41:46] so that you can respond to situations better throughout the day

[00:41:50] prayer god can give you insights clarity answers

[00:41:54] and solutions as well that's the number one source for

[00:41:58] all of these other things and then a supportive trauma informed ministry or

[00:42:01] course can give you more insights and understanding on this and help you

[00:42:05] to walk the path of healing as well

[00:42:08] so that's basically what i wanted to talk about today with trauma re-enactment

[00:42:13] keep in mind that it's a lifetime process and it can take time to break and

[00:42:17] change patterns and any progress is progress so celebrate these victories

[00:42:22] and movements forward you deserve to feel good about the

[00:42:25] progress you're making even if it's small

[00:42:27] progress rarely happens overnight and in big breakthroughs those happen

[00:42:32] they do happen but they are rare so it's the small choices to lower our

[00:42:37] voice not engage become aware of how we're

[00:42:41] feeling in our body become conscious when a re-enactment is trying to take

[00:42:46] place and stopping it in its tracks at that moment

[00:42:51] and if we notice that it's already started we can still stop and back up

[00:42:55] and be like whoa you know you can still stop it

[00:42:58] changing but it's easier when you do it earlier

[00:43:00] and changing directions in the moment or some things you can do

[00:43:04] so the more we make these choices the more we reinforce positive and healthy

[00:43:08] patterns that replace our old worn out ones i'll say it again the more we

[00:43:12] make these choices the more we reinforce

[00:43:15] positive and healthy patterns that replace our old ones

[00:43:18] so remember the power is in the present moment between the trigger

[00:43:22] or moment that something happens and your response to it

[00:43:26] the power your power is in the present moment between the trigger

[00:43:30] or moment of your response to it. The acorn

[00:43:33] meditations can also be helpful, you can get those free on

[00:43:38] YouTube or you can purchase them so you own them forever

[00:43:41] at the rachaelleeroy.com store just check that out and just look at the store.

[00:43:46] But that's why pausing might be the most important step in stopping a trauma

[00:43:51] reenactments in its tracks. You've got this and God's got you.

[00:43:57] Sorry I'm a little hoarse, I've been talking a while.

[00:43:59] But so that is all I have on trauma reenactments. We went over what are trauma

[00:44:04] reenactments, a definition, why do they occur and then we talked about

[00:44:09] why discuss trauma reenactments and why do trauma reenactments occur and then

[00:44:14] we went over six types of trauma reenactments to it.

[00:44:18] So that's what we're going to talk about today.

[00:44:20] So let's talk about trauma reenactments.

[00:44:22] So we went over what trauma reenactments occur and then we went over six types of trauma reenactments to it.

[00:44:27] Discuss how they occurred, then we went over reenactments in our close

[00:44:31] relationships and then what the trauma or drama triangle is

[00:44:34] and how it can help us to heal, identify, prevent and overcome

[00:44:38] reenactments and then specific practices that can help us

[00:44:42] as well. So I hope that this has been helpful,

[00:44:45] this has been an episode a long time coming I've wanted to do this and I

[00:44:48] just didn't know how to articulate it. This is probably one where I could

[00:44:52] do more and I may in the future but this is a good start and a good

[00:44:55] introduction to trauma reenactments also known as patterns

[00:45:00] and also known as repetition compulsion. They're similar if not the same thing.

[00:45:04] So thank you so much for listening, keep in mind that you can subscribe to the

[00:45:08] YouTube channel, subscribe to Christian Emotional Recovery Facebook group,

[00:45:12] all the same name, check out the website. If you'd like to contribute and

[00:45:16] help then that would be great as well. Sometime in the near future I'm

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[00:45:22] transparent so you can see what I put monthly into the podcast

[00:45:25] where you know your support is going and being useful and helpful.

[00:45:29] Thank you so much, God bless you, remember the love it's your

[00:45:33] fearfully and wonderfully made and God loves you.

[00:45:38] Thank you so much for tuning in to this week's episode of Christian

[00:45:42] Emotional Recovery hosted by Rachel LaRoy

[00:45:46] for links to this week's resources and to join the discussion.

[00:45:50] Check out this episode of show notes at ChristianEmotionalRecovery.com

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[00:46:04] If you enjoyed the podcast please rate and review the podcast

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[00:46:11] See you next time and remember, beloveds, God loves you

[00:46:15] and you are fearfully and wonderfully made.