Episode 14 Season 4: Types of Narcissists and How to Spot Them

[00:00:03] Hello, Beloveds, and welcome to Christian Emotional Recovery, a podcast for those who are survivors of childhood trauma, emotional neglect, and narcissistic abuse. This podcast is hosted by Rachel Leroy, a college professor and trauma survivor.

[00:00:23] Many of us spend years trying to heal and don't get anywhere. We don't always target the trauma itself, which is so often what keeps us stuck. This podcast is where faith meets science. Rachel is an emotional healing expert with 20 years of experience applying healing modalities that helped her start making progress after nothing else worked. She'll show you how to do the same.

[00:00:51] Each week, we'll cover a topic that will show you how to heal trauma for good. Please check out our website and show notes at ChristianEmotionalRecovery.com and join the Facebook community, Trauma Survivors Unite, Christian Emotional Recovery.

[00:01:16] Hello everyone, and welcome to Season 4, Episode 14 of Christian Emotional Recovery. I'm your host, Rachel Leroy, and this episode is a crossover episode.

[00:01:28] And it's called Types of Narcissist and how to spot them. So a little bit about crossover episodes. About two or three times a year, I will cross-promote and use the same material for both the YouTube channel and the podcast. Those are two different platforms, and generally they have separate content.

[00:01:49] So if you follow the podcast and you haven't checked out the YouTube channel, I will put the link in the show notes. Check out Christian Emotional Recovery, the YouTube channel, which has basically different material than what's on the podcast.

[00:02:04] And if you are on the YouTube channel and you haven't checked out the podcast, check it out. You can check it out within the YouTube channel. It's on one of the playlists.

[00:02:11] Also keep in mind that I separate and organize a lot of the videos and the podcasts by topic so you can find things by topic. So keep that in mind as well.

[00:02:20] So this is a crossover episode. A couple of things. Please forgive a little bit of background noise in the video. You'll hear some clicking and maybe an air conditioner in the background.

[00:02:30] I try to edit most of that out. But unfortunately, when I'm recording with my iPhone on, because it's an actual video, there is more issues with sound.

[00:02:40] So thank you for bearing with me. Let's go ahead and jump right into this, and let's hear about types of narcissists.

[00:02:48] Hello, everyone. I am Rachel Leroy, the host of Christian Emotional Recovery.

[00:02:53] And I am doing more YouTube videos, finally, after a long stint of illnesses.

[00:03:00] And so I wanted to do several today.

[00:03:04] And one of the ones that I wanted to do was types of narcissists and how to spot them.

[00:03:09] Keep in mind that the YouTube channel tends to have more specialized topics that are also shorter talks in general overall.

[00:03:17] And so the point of this podcast is to use a scientific-based approach and psychological-based approach that is integrated with faith and with our belief system as Christians

[00:03:29] so that we can take a more nuanced approach to healing trauma and that we can actually get to the source of the trauma in the body

[00:03:37] and that I can empower you to have the knowledge and the skills to protect yourself, to empower yourself, to heal, and to live the life that God intended you to have.

[00:03:47] Now, this talk will be types of narcissists and how to spot them.

[00:03:52] And so bear with me. I'm looking at my computer right here, and it's kind of hard for me to do videos because there's a lot of setup involved.

[00:03:59] And so I'm going to do more voiceovers for this particular season just to be able to get some more recordings done

[00:04:06] and to be able to get those out to you on the YouTube channel. So bear with me.

[00:04:09] But I do still want to create videos where you can see my face.

[00:04:12] So if there's some issues with lighting or sound, I apologize. I did the best I could.

[00:04:16] I have neighbors that cut the grass, and I can't control any of that.

[00:04:19] And if I have a close neighbor that does it, I can't do this at all.

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[00:05:20] And thank you so much.

[00:05:22] I greatly appreciate it.

[00:05:23] So let's go ahead and jump right into today's topic, which is types of narcissists and how to spot them.

[00:05:29] And so I don't like to dwell on or obsess over this concept of narcissist or narcissism.

[00:05:36] I think it's a word that gets thrown around casually and misused and overused in our culture.

[00:05:44] And I've actually seen people that actually fit on the narcissistic spectrum that use that word against other people when they're projecting.

[00:05:53] So I've seen a lot of misuse of this term.

[00:05:56] And so I want people to be informed about narcissism and narcissists.

[00:06:01] I want people to be able to empower themselves.

[00:06:03] I want people to be able to protect themselves.

[00:06:05] Because I've seen the devastation that a relationship with a narcissist, whether it's a significant other or a boyfriend or girlfriend or a friend or a parent or a sibling or a boss or a coworker or a neighbor,

[00:06:20] whoever, but somebody that's close in your life that you have to interact with.

[00:06:25] I've seen the devastation and the mind F, to put it in a G-rated term, that that can create for somebody a mind screw, whatever you want to say.

[00:06:34] I try to keep it fairly clean.

[00:06:36] I'll say a word once in a while, but nothing really bad.

[00:06:38] But, you know, so I do want to talk about it a little bit because I do want to educate people and I want you to know what to look for.

[00:06:46] So why do I talk about this when I do talk about it?

[00:06:49] Part of it is there are different ways that narcissists are categorized.

[00:06:55] So if you know what to look for, what kind of behavior to look for, then you can protect yourself.

[00:07:01] And you can begin to educate yourself on the type of narcissist you may be dealing with.

[00:07:06] Because how you deal with a narcissist in general, there are a lot of rules that are the same.

[00:07:10] But there's also a lot of rules that are different.

[00:07:13] Because when it comes to, say, for example, a covert narcissist, which is more of an introverted narcissist,

[00:07:21] they're going to be a lot sneakier versus a grandiose narcissist where they're more out in the open and like, look at me,

[00:07:26] like their peacock feathers are all fanned out, right?

[00:07:29] So this is, you know, knowing the differences can actually be helpful in knowing what you're dealing with and educate you and empower you

[00:07:36] and help you to adjust to dealing with different types of narcissists.

[00:07:40] So I want to emphasize a few things here.

[00:07:45] I caution against the overuse of the term narcissism.

[00:07:48] And there's also a difference between a clinical narcissist who has NPD,

[00:07:53] that is narcissistic personality disorder, which is actually in the DSM,

[00:07:58] which is the official psychological handbook that categorizes clinical definitions of psychological conditions.

[00:08:05] And then there is narcissism that's used more, I don't know, in a pedestrian way, more on a day-to-day basis.

[00:08:15] And those are just as valid, but they're not necessarily in the clinical handbook.

[00:08:19] And it's not that psychologists don't treat those or treat people who have dealt with people who have those.

[00:08:25] But it's, I just want you to know the difference.

[00:08:28] So just note that the word does get thrown around a lot these days.

[00:08:31] And so when I make videos like this, I always put that caution in because I think it's important to emphasize that.

[00:08:37] And also, like I said, however, on the other side of it, learning about these traits yourself will help you protect yourself.

[00:08:47] Another thing to note is that narcissism, narcissistic traits in of themselves are not necessarily bad.

[00:08:53] We all need some narcissistic traits in order to be strong and confident and to get things done and to push through tough things.

[00:09:03] So having a certain level of narcissistic traits like self-confidence and, you know, speaking up for yourself and being,

[00:09:11] I don't want to say aggressive, but being strong at certain times when maybe standing up to a bully.

[00:09:17] Usually it takes fire to fight fire.

[00:09:19] So if you have somebody who's just a really dominant person that's just sort of steamrolling over other people,

[00:09:26] having another strong person, but a person who is more focused on what is right can actually counter that

[00:09:33] and put that person in their place, so to speak, not to put it too strongly.

[00:09:37] But so if you have traits, narcissistic traits, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

[00:09:43] And actually codependents who are on the opposite end of the spectrum, empaths and highly sensitive people,

[00:09:50] having a few more of those traits is actually healthy because it helps us to balance ourselves out,

[00:09:54] protect ourselves, be stronger and have more confidence and be more outspoken,

[00:09:59] which at times is important and is necessary, right?

[00:10:02] To be bold, to be courageous and all of that.

[00:10:05] So to learn about these traits in yourself, even if you aren't a narcissist is helpful.

[00:10:09] We all have the narcissistic traits, like I said,

[00:10:12] some of us more than others, that doesn't make us a narcissist.

[00:10:15] But there are a lot of narcissists out there too.

[00:10:17] And there are people who may not be classified clinically as a narcissist who have strong narcissistic traits.

[00:10:23] So it's important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum, okay?

[00:10:29] And so we can understand our own propensities better.

[00:10:32] We can learn how to use these as strengths and tools and not just be afraid of these qualities completely.

[00:10:38] We can learn to find balance here.

[00:10:39] We can learn to protect ourselves.

[00:10:40] We can learn to find the qualities in other people when they are toxic and when they are abusive,

[00:10:45] so that we can protect ourselves and educate ourselves, protect others and educate others and so on.

[00:10:51] So that's good.

[00:10:52] And working it all together in an integrated and balanced approach is the key to here.

[00:10:58] So to be able to see those kinds of traits when there's a strong pattern in someone and red flags start going off,

[00:11:06] that's when you know that there's too much of those narcissistic traits, too many of them, and it's not healthy.

[00:11:11] Okay?

[00:11:11] So let's go ahead and talk a little bit about how narcissists are categorized.

[00:11:17] Narcissist narcissism is categorized.

[00:11:19] So there is the clinical categorization of narcissism,

[00:11:24] and then there is the more, I guess you could say,

[00:11:27] the pedestrian or the regular general type of narcissistic,

[00:11:32] narcissists and types of narcissists.

[00:11:35] Okay?

[00:11:37] So a little bit about clinical definitions of narcissism.

[00:11:45] Clinical definitions of narcissism, there are two different types.

[00:11:49] Now, I'm, as usual, using sources, so bear with me.

[00:11:52] You may hear my mouse click.

[00:11:53] I may be reading a little bit off of here.

[00:11:55] Bear with me, and thank you for your patience.

[00:11:58] There's an article that I'm using today from Talkspace.com,

[00:12:01] and Talkspace.com is a therapy site that a lot of people use.

[00:12:06] It's a therapy service online, but they have a lot of good articles,

[00:12:09] and there are two types of clinically categorized narcissists.

[00:12:13] Now, keep in mind that in the DSM, there is no, these are not there,

[00:12:19] but when it comes to the clinical definitions of narcissism,

[00:12:23] these are commonly accepted and believed types of narcissists,

[00:12:28] and the first one, there's grandiose or overt.

[00:12:33] Grandiose or overt, and overt just means out in the open, obvious.

[00:12:37] And then there's vulnerable or covert.

[00:12:40] Vulnerable or covert.

[00:12:42] And covert just means hidden or more deceptive or trickier or more introverted in this case.

[00:12:48] I'm not saying introverts are tricky and deceptive,

[00:12:50] but in the case of a narcissist, you get what I'm saying.

[00:12:53] So grandiose, it says in Talkspace,

[00:12:55] narcissism is often seen in a negative light.

[00:12:58] But grandiose narcissism personalities or overt narcissists are typically charming and well-liked.

[00:13:03] Also known as agentic or overt narcissism, meaning they have a lot of agency.

[00:13:08] And I talk about having agency on this channel,

[00:13:11] and the fact that your agency and your autonomy should be respected,

[00:13:15] and that you should protect your own agency and autonomy.

[00:13:19] So those are not bad things.

[00:13:20] But these people take it to an extreme where they're running over other people,

[00:13:25] and they're steamrolling over other people's desires and boundaries and senses of well-being in a way that's not healthy,

[00:13:32] in a way that's toxic, and in a way that can be abusive.

[00:13:35] But people with grandiose narcissism tend to have a very high sense of self-esteem.

[00:13:39] I would say that it's false self-esteem.

[00:13:42] It's more like they're compensating for the fact that they are too scared to look inside of themselves

[00:13:48] and actually work on themselves and be honest with themselves.

[00:13:51] So this can cause adverse narcissists to overestimate their own capabilities.

[00:13:55] So it's false confidence, you know,

[00:13:57] instead of sort of a humility and self-honesty of growth and all of that,

[00:14:01] but with some confidence thrown in, which is a good balance.

[00:14:15] A lot of politicians and religious leaders will hide in those fields

[00:14:20] and try to make themselves out to be something that they're not

[00:14:24] because they have that charm and they have that charisma, right?

[00:14:26] Those are usually the grandiose narcissists.

[00:14:31] But experts believe that there are two categories of grandiose narcissism,

[00:14:35] adaptive and maladaptive.

[00:14:37] I've used those terms in some other podcasts before as well.

[00:14:41] Adaptive and maladaptive.

[00:14:42] Adaptive narcissism, it says in Talkspace,

[00:14:44] causes people to build up their self-confidence in order to protect themselves.

[00:14:49] They're natural leaders and are often drawn to careers that offer positions in leadership.

[00:14:54] So if that narcissism is kept in check and that person can self-reflect

[00:14:58] and they may just have the high narcissistic traits that they guard,

[00:15:01] they can actually be a gifted leader.

[00:15:03] But there has to be humility and accountability.

[00:15:05] And we have seen so much abuse of that in our culture,

[00:15:08] both in religious communities and in political communities,

[00:15:11] and especially in the U.S.,

[00:15:13] which is where there's a lot of problems going on right now, right?

[00:15:16] So these types of narcissists crave authority and prestige.

[00:15:19] So it can be toxic.

[00:15:21] So it has to be kept in check.

[00:15:24] Maladaptive narcissism, this is the more toxic one,

[00:15:26] means someone will have a naturally high self-esteem

[00:15:29] and believe that they're entitled, entitled, right?

[00:15:32] To take advantage of other people.

[00:15:34] This causes them to try to control and manipulate those around them.

[00:15:38] This type of grandiose narcissist may become angry or aggressive

[00:15:41] when someone disagrees with them or tries to set boundaries.

[00:15:44] So basically, they throw a tantrum like a toddler.

[00:15:47] And their emotional development is not,

[00:15:51] not an adult's.

[00:15:52] Let's put it that way, okay?

[00:15:55] I feel sad for people like this,

[00:15:57] but at the same time,

[00:15:58] it's difficult to have compassion on people like this.

[00:16:03] And so it's something I have to work on

[00:16:05] when I see somebody who has these strong traits

[00:16:07] because I've been mistreated by people like this my whole life.

[00:16:10] And I take it very seriously

[00:16:12] when I see somebody else being treated that way.

[00:16:14] And that actually brings out some of those qualities in me.

[00:16:17] But that can be a good thing.

[00:16:18] Like I said, if you've got a wolf that comes in

[00:16:21] and tries to kill the cubs in the pack,

[00:16:24] you need a mama wolf or papa wolf or alpha wolf.

[00:16:27] You gotta fight, right?

[00:16:29] I'm not saying we need to fight narcissists,

[00:16:31] but we need to fight narcissism

[00:16:32] and we need to stand up for people who are bullied

[00:16:35] and stuff like that.

[00:16:36] But I don't want to go too much on a tangent.

[00:16:38] The other one, vulnerable or covert narcissism

[00:16:41] is closet or covert narcissism

[00:16:43] is commonly assumed that narcissism causes people

[00:16:45] to want to be the center of attention.

[00:16:48] But vulnerable or covert narcissists

[00:16:50] typically results in behaviors

[00:16:51] that are introverted or withdrawn.

[00:16:53] Also, I would say they tend to be trickier.

[00:16:56] They tend to be the kind of people

[00:16:57] that will act one way in public

[00:16:59] and then another way in private.

[00:17:00] That's true of everybody that's a narcissist,

[00:17:03] but there's a lot more of that in a covert narcissist.

[00:17:06] They're more manipulative.

[00:17:07] It's trickier.

[00:17:08] It's more passive and passive aggressive.

[00:17:10] But vulnerable narcissism talk space says

[00:17:15] often elaborate fantasies of becoming successful.

[00:17:18] A covert narcissist believes that they deserve

[00:17:22] positive feedback from others or are entitled to it,

[00:17:25] but usually won't take steps to earn that praise.

[00:17:28] In other words, they don't self-evaluate.

[00:17:29] They don't work on self-honesty.

[00:17:32] They don't work on growth.

[00:17:33] They don't work on working on their flaws

[00:17:36] and doing the healing work,

[00:17:37] which is what this channel is all about, right?

[00:17:39] Accountability, doing the healing work.

[00:17:41] So that lack of recognition can lead to emotional outbursts,

[00:17:45] which may cause a covert narcissist

[00:17:47] to feel intense levels of shame.

[00:17:49] And a common personality trait of vulnerable narcissism

[00:17:52] is playing the victim.

[00:17:53] So they are the ones that are,

[00:17:55] it's always somebody else.

[00:17:57] It's never me.

[00:17:58] Everybody else is out to get me.

[00:18:01] The world owes me this and all of that.

[00:18:04] And like I said, we all have moments

[00:18:05] where we feel sorry for ourselves and we feel that way.

[00:18:08] But people like this, there's a pattern.

[00:18:09] They're like this a good majority of the time.

[00:18:12] And I know some people like this.

[00:18:14] And there are combinations of this

[00:18:16] that can be so tricky and so dangerous.

[00:18:18] And I'll talk about that in a little bit.

[00:18:20] But it says,

[00:18:20] research shows that vulnerable narcissism

[00:18:23] means someone is more likely

[00:18:24] to experience negative emotions

[00:18:26] and they may also perceive compliments as insults.

[00:18:29] That's kind of weird, right?

[00:18:30] It's also linked to high levels of neuroticism.

[00:18:33] It's common for people with this type of narcissism

[00:18:35] to struggle with depression and paranoia.

[00:18:38] They tend to be paranoid.

[00:18:39] They tend to think that people are intending something

[00:18:41] that isn't there.

[00:18:42] Or when they say something,

[00:18:43] they read something into it

[00:18:44] that the person never intended.

[00:18:46] Again, we all do this once in a while,

[00:18:48] especially if we're in a bad place.

[00:18:50] But these are common traits in a person like this,

[00:18:53] especially if they don't or can't work on themselves.

[00:18:57] So another thing about it,

[00:19:00] a vulnerable narcissist is often envious

[00:19:02] of the people around them

[00:19:03] and tend to blame others for their lack of success.

[00:19:05] It's always somebody else's fault.

[00:19:06] It's never, well, I need to work on this

[00:19:08] or this is a trait that I'm not proud of,

[00:19:11] but I need to look at this

[00:19:12] and do some healing work around it, right?

[00:19:14] So one important note

[00:19:16] is that studies show grandiose

[00:19:18] and vulnerable narcissism

[00:19:19] aren't always mutually exclusive of one another.

[00:19:22] Personalities may fluctuate back and forth

[00:19:24] during various periods of time.

[00:19:26] Like I said, this stuff is fluid.

[00:19:27] It's not like, well,

[00:19:28] here's a vulnerable narcissist

[00:19:29] and here's a grandiose.

[00:19:30] It is that way to a degree.

[00:19:31] So that is the two clinical types of narcissism

[00:19:35] in terms of categorizing those.

[00:19:38] So bear with me, like I said.

[00:19:40] So let me just give you a quick overview again.

[00:19:42] A grandiose or an overt narcissist,

[00:19:44] types of behaviors, boastfulness, arrogance,

[00:19:47] dominance, seeking admiration,

[00:19:49] lack of empathy, exploitative behavior.

[00:19:51] In other words,

[00:19:52] they just run over other people as it suits them

[00:19:54] if somebody gets in their way.

[00:19:56] How to spot them.

[00:19:57] Exaggerates achievements and talents,

[00:19:59] belittles or dismisses others' contributions

[00:20:01] and requires excessive admiration.

[00:20:04] So how do you deal with them?

[00:20:05] You set clear boundaries

[00:20:07] and you stick to them.

[00:20:08] You avoid engaging in their games or ego boosts.

[00:20:11] So you may have to gray rock them.

[00:20:13] And gray rocking is when you just keep it civil

[00:20:16] and you talk about neutral topics.

[00:20:18] You don't give any information

[00:20:19] they can use against you.

[00:20:20] You stay polite.

[00:20:21] When they try to drag you something in it,

[00:20:23] into something,

[00:20:24] you don't get involved.

[00:20:25] You stay neutral.

[00:20:26] You stay calm.

[00:20:27] You stay kind.

[00:20:28] You stay level-headed.

[00:20:31] Okay?

[00:20:31] You stay logical.

[00:20:32] That you don't want to give them any holes

[00:20:34] or any vulnerabilities that they can exploit.

[00:20:37] Right?

[00:20:37] So they avoid engaging.

[00:20:39] So avoid engaging in their games or ego boosts.

[00:20:42] Seek support from trusted friends or professionals.

[00:20:44] And that's one reason I have this channel

[00:20:46] and that I'm doing this video.

[00:20:47] A vulnerable or a covert narcissist,

[00:20:51] typical behaviors are hypersensitivity to criticism,

[00:20:54] shyness and withdrawal,

[00:20:56] hidden senses of entitlement and resentment.

[00:20:59] How to spot them?

[00:21:01] They appear overtly, overly self-conscious or anxious.

[00:21:05] So it's almost the opposite end of the spectrum.

[00:21:07] Their shyness and social withdrawal is apparent.

[00:21:10] And there's a sense of entitlement or resentment.

[00:21:12] So the difference between like maybe an empath or an introvert,

[00:21:15] they might be sensitive to criticism, shy and withdrawal socially,

[00:21:19] but they don't tend to have as much that really high sense of entitlement and resentment.

[00:21:25] There might be some of that, but not in the same way.

[00:21:28] How to spot them?

[00:21:29] So they appear overly self-conscious or anxious.

[00:21:32] They feel unappreciated or misunderstood.

[00:21:34] Now that's a valid thing that a lot of us who suffered from adverse childhood experiences,

[00:21:40] childhood emotional neglect and emotional abuse or narcissistic abuse feel every day.

[00:21:45] So don't think all these traits mean you're one of these things.

[00:21:48] If you're here and you're wondering,

[00:21:50] am I a narcissist?

[00:21:51] And you're worried about that?

[00:21:53] Let me tell you something.

[00:21:54] You're probably not.

[00:21:55] Because you're self-evaluating and you care and you're worrying about that.

[00:21:59] And if you're worrying about that,

[00:22:00] you're self-conscious in a way that you're self-aware so that you care about how you are,

[00:22:08] what kind of person you are and how you treat other people.

[00:22:10] And if you care about that, you are not a narcissist.

[00:22:13] I can tell you that you're not.

[00:22:15] So, and then they display passive aggressive behavior.

[00:22:20] And lastly, how to deal with a covert narcissist.

[00:22:22] Provide constructive feedback gently.

[00:22:25] Or not at all if you can avoid it.

[00:22:28] Encourage professional helper counseling and maintain emotional distance to protect your own well-being.

[00:22:33] Again, some of those gray rocking techniques will come in.

[00:22:37] Okay, so the more generalized types of narcissists.

[00:22:41] This is more like the categories of narcissists.

[00:22:44] And there are general classifications of narcissists.

[00:22:48] I wanted to go over one that sort of subcategorizes it a little more than I talked about with a grandiose narcissist.

[00:22:54] But I think this can be true of any kind of narcissist.

[00:22:57] There are some narcissists or people that have high narcissistic traits might be a better word that are more on the spectrum of you can negotiate with them.

[00:23:07] You can deal with them.

[00:23:08] They've got a little bit of self-awareness.

[00:23:10] They have enough restraint that they know that there are certain types of behaviors that are not tolerated.

[00:23:15] And so, I've got a couple of people like that in my life.

[00:23:18] And there are certain things I cannot talk about with them.

[00:23:20] Certain, I have to limit my contact with them somewhat.

[00:23:23] But I can be around them and actually enjoy their company a little bit, you know.

[00:23:26] So, it's not like it's all or none.

[00:23:29] And then there's other people where I have to be around them as little as possible, talk to them as little as possible, block them out of my life.

[00:23:35] Because they are so toxic that they will suck you in like a black hole and they will never stop.

[00:23:42] Okay.

[00:23:43] So, the adaptive, that's sort of the adaptive versus the maladaptive.

[00:23:48] But adaptive involves traits that can be beneficial in moderation such as self-confidence and ambition.

[00:23:54] These traits can lead to success and positive self-regard without significant negative impacts on others.

[00:24:00] I would say some of the great leaders in American history were adaptive narcissists, actually.

[00:24:07] They were great leaders, but there were times when they had a sense of entitlement like John F. Kennedy or Roosevelt or some of the people like that that were great leaders,

[00:24:18] but they also in their private lives might not have been faithful to their wives or stuff like that, you know.

[00:24:23] So, it's, there's a mixed bag there.

[00:24:26] But these traits can lead to positive self-regard without significant negative impacts on others.

[00:24:32] Maladaptive narcissism involves traits that are harmful such as exploitative behaviors, lack of empathy, and a constant need for admiration.

[00:24:39] There also tends to be more of a tendency towards lying a lot when you're maladaptive.

[00:24:46] These traits are often, often lead to interpersonal difficulties and significant distress for both the narcissist and those around them.

[00:24:53] And then benign versus malignant narcissism.

[00:24:57] Benign versus malignant.

[00:24:58] Benign narcissism refers to narcissistic traits that are relatively harmless and even have positive aspects such as a strong sense of self-worth and ambition.

[00:25:07] It sounds very similar to adaptive and maladaptive.

[00:25:10] Malignant narcissists, and I have some of those in my life, and those are the ones that I have to be like,

[00:25:15] take that thing on the wall and just kind of hold it up and throw some holy water at them.

[00:25:20] Not literally, but just adding a little humor there.

[00:25:24] But a malignant narcissist is a severe form that includes antisocial behavior.

[00:25:30] Some narcissists that are covert and malignant at the same time, which that is the worst combination you can get in a narcissist because they hide it.

[00:25:38] People will think that they're a good person, and they will mess with your mind and gaslight you so bad.

[00:25:44] But they're manipulative, they're hostile, they're deceitful, they're cruel, and they actually enjoy causing people pain.

[00:25:55] They are paranoid, they lack remorse of any kind, and it often overlaps with antisocial personality disorder.

[00:26:05] Okay, so types of narcissists though, the more like when you start getting into these categories,

[00:26:13] like I said, you've got malignant narcissists, and malignant narcissists, I already gave you some of the traits of those,

[00:26:20] but let me go look a little bit at the sources that I'm using today.

[00:26:23] I'm using the article that I used on Talkspace is by Jill Dano.

[00:26:28] Jill Dano, she's a licensed clinical social worker.

[00:26:31] I wanted to make sure I credited that source from Talkspace where I gave the definitions of overt and covert.

[00:26:36] Sorry, I bumped the table.

[00:26:37] And then there's another article I'm using, the Family Institute at Northwestern University,

[00:26:43] and it's the eight types of narcissists.

[00:26:45] And I wanted to also make a point that I forgot to make at the beginning,

[00:26:49] that there are eight different types that are widely accepted that were categorized by Dr. Romany Dervasula.

[00:26:58] Her work and her book, Don't You Know Who I Am?

[00:27:01] And Dr. Romany's videos are wonderful.

[00:27:04] She has a YouTube channel, and I highly recommend it.

[00:27:07] I will put it in the show notes, and I will actually put the playlist of categories of narcissism in there.

[00:27:14] Like I said, don't go down a rabbit hole because it can, you can get too obsessed,

[00:27:18] and it can actually keep a trauma bond because there's this sort of craving if you obsess over it.

[00:27:24] So learn a little bit at a time, but don't go down a rabbit hole and just obsess, okay?

[00:27:30] But I will put her channel and her playlist of types and categories of narcissists in the show notes, okay?

[00:27:39] So she categorizes eight different types of narcissists,

[00:27:44] and I'm going over these in different levels and in different ways here,

[00:27:48] based on clinical and the regular types.

[00:27:52] So the malignant narcissist, I already went over that a little bit,

[00:27:55] but let's talk about it a little more.

[00:27:57] So more of the general categories of narcissism here.

[00:28:00] So the malignant narcissist, their characteristics are a combination of narcissism,

[00:28:05] antisocial behavior, aggression, and sadism.

[00:28:08] I actually had somebody in my life that enjoyed watching me suffer

[00:28:14] and that would torment me when I was a small child just to get a kick out of it.

[00:28:18] They would start making me cry, and then they would laugh at me.

[00:28:21] And even into adulthood, they would do cruel things and then do that.

[00:28:25] And that usually involves every kind of abuse you can imagine, every single kind.

[00:28:29] But so it's hostility, aggression, manipulation, deceit, enjoyment, and causing harm or distress.

[00:28:36] How do you spot them?

[00:28:37] They show those signs of antisocial behavior, lack of remorse or guilt,

[00:28:41] displaced paranoid and aggressive tendencies.

[00:28:43] How do you deal with them?

[00:28:45] You avoid confrontations and stay clear of conflicts.

[00:28:47] You document any harmful or manipulative behavior.

[00:28:50] That's not to dwell on it, but it's to protect yourself.

[00:28:53] So you can see a pattern, okay?

[00:28:56] So they cannot gaslight you and trick you and mess up your mind where you're confused.

[00:29:03] Seek legal or professional protection if necessary.

[00:29:06] Now, the next one is a communal narcissist.

[00:29:09] A communal narcissist can also be hard to spot

[00:29:12] because communal narcissists are, they have a sense of grandiosity related to their self-perception

[00:29:19] as being altruistic and community focused.

[00:29:22] So you will see a lot of communal narcissists in the church.

[00:29:26] There was many years ago after I graduated from college, I was born and raised Southern Baptist.

[00:29:35] But I very much liked the Episcopal Church.

[00:29:38] And my husband, or the guy I was dating at the time, was also Episcopal.

[00:29:41] He had been raised Episcopal.

[00:29:43] So I was confirmed in the Episcopal Church and I was going to an Episcopal Church for a while.

[00:29:48] And there was a lady there.

[00:29:49] And like, I did do things to help and contribute to the church,

[00:29:53] but she would not take no for an answer.

[00:29:56] Like she was involved in the handbell choir and in the daughters of the something,

[00:30:02] I don't know, all these different things.

[00:30:03] And she would like pressure you into joining.

[00:30:06] And if you said no, thank you, nicely, she would come the next Sunday and do the same thing.

[00:30:11] Haven't you changed your mind?

[00:30:12] Don't you want to join?

[00:30:13] Don't you want to join?

[00:30:14] And you could tell by her aggressive behavior that there was entitlement and narcissism there.

[00:30:18] And she would just run over your boundaries.

[00:30:20] So communal narcissists are in the church.

[00:30:23] And there are a lot of ministers in people in ministry that are like that.

[00:30:28] So how can you spot somebody who is more just an activist who wants to make the world a better place?

[00:30:34] They're a missionary or a preacher or a humanitarian or an activist

[00:30:40] versus somebody who is doing this and hiding behind this kind of community

[00:30:45] in order to make themselves look good,

[00:30:47] but they're really not that kind of, don't have that kind of heart for God and for other people.

[00:30:51] So a communal narcissist still has a sense of grandiosity related to their self-perception

[00:30:57] as being altruistic and community focused.

[00:31:00] Behaviors, they seek validation through their perceived contributions to society or community,

[00:31:05] often boasting about their good deeds and expecting admiration for their efforts.

[00:31:10] So it can, their behavior can be very performative.

[00:31:15] And that's a good word, performative.

[00:31:17] And I think that all Christians have made mistakes where they've done that.

[00:31:21] Even the Bible talks about doing your good works and saying your prayers in private,

[00:31:25] that you're not doing it for a reward or for recognition.

[00:31:31] There's nothing wrong with wanting some recognition.

[00:31:33] You're human.

[00:31:34] There's nothing wrong with wanting appreciation.

[00:31:35] You're human.

[00:31:36] But that desire is not a sense of entitlement.

[00:31:39] It's not a sense of, look at me, look at me.

[00:31:42] If you see people on Facebook that are doing humanitarian work

[00:31:45] and there's something authentic about it, they're probably not a narcissist.

[00:31:47] But if they feel the need to tell you every single time they do something good

[00:31:52] and they get on their soapbox and they're constantly preaching to people about this and that

[00:31:56] and they're very self-righteous.

[00:31:58] And I'm just going to say it, act like a Karen in a lot of ways.

[00:32:01] I hate that term.

[00:32:02] And I think that term is overused.

[00:32:04] People actually will be abusive to other people who are standing up for themselves

[00:32:08] and setting boundaries in their environment.

[00:32:09] And they'll call them a Karen.

[00:32:10] But I'm talking about people that don't mind their own business.

[00:32:13] I'm talking about the people that are like, do you have a permit to sell that lemonade?

[00:32:18] And it's like some six-year-old trying to earn money for school supplies or something.

[00:32:23] You know what I'm saying.

[00:32:25] You can see the difference there.

[00:32:27] But the behaviors of a communal narcissist, they boast about good deeds.

[00:32:32] They seek validation through perceived altruism.

[00:32:34] They expect admiration for community involvement.

[00:32:37] They constantly talk about their contributions to society.

[00:32:40] They seek recognition and praise for their altruism.

[00:32:42] They may belittle other efforts or contributions.

[00:32:45] One that I would add to this is that if you say no, they will not respect your boundaries.

[00:32:51] They, plus whatever they're doing is better than what you're doing.

[00:32:55] They need to make sure that they compare.

[00:32:57] And they need to make sure that everybody knows what they're doing.

[00:33:00] You've met those people where you knew them for like six months.

[00:33:03] And then you found out that they did this extraordinary thing.

[00:33:05] And you're like, oh my gosh, that's amazing.

[00:33:07] Why didn't you ever tell me that?

[00:33:09] I can guarantee you they're not a communal narcissist.

[00:33:11] Because before you've even known them for two minutes, you're going to know every single thing they've ever done for the kingdom of God.

[00:33:17] And every single thing they've ever done to make the world a better place.

[00:33:22] People tooting your own horn once in a while for a little recognition is one thing.

[00:33:25] Again, you see a pattern of this kind of behavior.

[00:33:28] So, how do you deal with a communal narcissist?

[00:33:31] You recognize their genuine contributions but avoid excessive praise.

[00:33:35] So, it's not about zip it, shut up.

[00:33:37] But it's more like, hmm, that's interesting, that's nice.

[00:33:40] But then move on, right?

[00:33:43] Encourage humility and genuine acts of kindness.

[00:33:46] So, you can set an example but not like they do.

[00:33:48] Like, look, look, look, I'm doing this.

[00:33:51] I'm great.

[00:33:51] You're not.

[00:33:53] You know?

[00:33:54] It's like, what?

[00:33:55] So, encourage humility and genuine acts of kindness.

[00:33:59] But humility is something I think that's unaffected.

[00:34:01] There's no affectation.

[00:34:03] There's no guile.

[00:34:04] It's natural.

[00:34:06] It's organic.

[00:34:06] It flows in a way that is more easygoing, right?

[00:34:10] And then maintain a balanced perspective on their actions.

[00:34:13] Don't get caught up.

[00:34:14] Don't do this to them.

[00:34:16] There are people that can't see through them.

[00:34:17] And you get these culty dynamics in organizations and at churches where people are almost worshiping their pastor.

[00:34:24] And when you start seeing that dynamic, you know something's up and something is wrong.

[00:34:28] Everybody needs to be held accountable.

[00:34:30] Nobody's perfect.

[00:34:32] There needs to be balance in all of this stuff.

[00:34:36] The next kind of narcissist is a somatic narcissist.

[00:34:39] Somatic means in the body.

[00:34:41] Somatic.

[00:34:41] And then their characteristics are preoccupation with physical appearance, health, and sexual attractiveness.

[00:34:49] So, the people that have like all the pictures of themselves with their muscles and working out, that doesn't mean they're a narcissist.

[00:34:55] Some people have worked really hard and they're very proud of that.

[00:34:57] They're very fitness oriented.

[00:34:59] I get that.

[00:34:59] That doesn't make them a narcissist.

[00:35:01] I mean, I don't post that kind of stuff.

[00:35:03] But, you know, to each their own, right?

[00:35:04] You got to find some balance there.

[00:35:06] But people that are just like, that's all they ever post.

[00:35:08] And they're self-obsessed.

[00:35:09] And that's all they think about.

[00:35:10] And that's all they talk about.

[00:35:11] They place a high value on their looks and capabilities, often seeking admiration and validation through their appearance and physical achievements.

[00:35:20] So, that's where their identity is.

[00:35:22] You see the difference.

[00:35:24] Typical behaviors.

[00:35:25] They're preoccupied with their appearance.

[00:35:27] They seek validation on their looks and physical achievements.

[00:35:29] Like, you know, this, when they used to do CrossFit.

[00:35:32] I thought that stuff was crazy.

[00:35:34] Now, don't diss me if you're into CrossFit.

[00:35:35] But, like, I just thought it was excessive and not healthy.

[00:35:38] You know?

[00:35:39] Be healthy.

[00:35:40] Exercise.

[00:35:40] But have some balance there, you know?

[00:35:43] But criticizing others' appearance or abilities.

[00:35:45] So, people like that, maybe they, God even gave them a great physical strength.

[00:35:50] And God gave them a nice body.

[00:35:52] And they take care of themselves.

[00:35:53] And there's nothing wrong with any of those things.

[00:35:55] But maybe they think they're better than other people.

[00:35:57] And they look down on people.

[00:35:59] And they'll fat shame people and stuff like that.

[00:36:00] Now, I think our society's gone too far the other way with celebrating unhealthy lifestyles of certain kinds.

[00:36:08] But at the same time, nobody should be shamed for how they look.

[00:36:11] I'll say it again.

[00:36:12] Nobody should be shamed for how they look.

[00:36:14] Nobody should be judged.

[00:36:16] We shouldn't be celebrating unhealthiness.

[00:36:18] But we shouldn't criticize people either.

[00:36:22] Everybody's where they're at, you know?

[00:36:24] And sometimes it's best just to mind our own business, right?

[00:36:28] How to spot them.

[00:36:29] Excessive focus on grooming, fitness, or beauty.

[00:36:31] That doesn't mean they're a narcissist or that they're this kind.

[00:36:34] But that's one trait.

[00:36:37] Frequently seeks compliments on their appearance.

[00:36:39] Dismisses or criticize those who don't meet their standards.

[00:36:42] Maybe they're like, I don't hang out with ugly people or something like that.

[00:36:45] It sounds like something they would say on friends.

[00:36:47] Like one of them joking or something.

[00:36:49] But you get what I'm saying.

[00:36:50] How to deal with them.

[00:36:51] Avoid engaging in conversations about appearance.

[00:36:54] Change the subject.

[00:36:55] Compliment their character and their non-physical attributes.

[00:36:57] The other thing is if you're dating somebody like this and they're like,

[00:37:01] oh, you blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[00:37:02] And they compliment your appearance and they never talk about your character,

[00:37:06] your personality, your tastes, your opinions, your mind.

[00:37:11] That's a red flag.

[00:37:12] I was in a relationship like that.

[00:37:14] And all this guy ever talked about was how good I looked.

[00:37:17] And I won't go into detail about my body and certain traits that I had.

[00:37:22] And looking back, I realized that that was a red flag.

[00:37:25] I even asked, I said, what about my personality do you like?

[00:37:28] What about my moral character do you like?

[00:37:30] And he was like, kind of drew a blank or just make some generic comment, right?

[00:37:34] Red flag.

[00:37:35] If somebody only sees that part of you, run.

[00:37:38] Run.

[00:37:39] Okay?

[00:37:41] But encourage healthy self-esteem and self-worth in a more balanced way.

[00:37:45] There's nothing wrong with looking good.

[00:37:46] There's nothing wrong with dating somebody you're attracted to

[00:37:49] and complimenting how good they look.

[00:37:51] I'm just saying that if that's all they do, that's not healthy, right?

[00:37:55] So that's somatic narcissism.

[00:37:57] The next one is cerebral narcissist.

[00:38:01] Cerebral narcissists, they believe their intellectual superiority,

[00:38:04] that they're intellectually superior and focus on their mental abilities.

[00:38:08] This same person that I dated before I married my husband,

[00:38:11] he was a cerebral narcissist.

[00:38:12] He was smart.

[00:38:14] He had a full-time job, a high-paying, high-powered full-time job.

[00:38:18] He went to graduate school full-time, and he had an internship.

[00:38:22] And he did all of that at the same time.

[00:38:24] He got straight A's.

[00:38:25] But he needed to remind me every single day how much better his grades were than mine,

[00:38:30] how much smarter he was than me.

[00:38:32] And if we got in a debate about a fact and who was right or wrong,

[00:38:35] instead of letting it go or talking about it like adults,

[00:38:38] he had to grind me into the ground to make sure that I knew he was right and he was wrong.

[00:38:43] I was wrong and he was right.

[00:38:45] That is how a cerebral narcissist will interact with you.

[00:38:48] They think they're intellectually superior, and they'll make sure you know it.

[00:38:51] Again, they'll just brag about all their accomplishments,

[00:38:53] but instead of it being like, I've bench-pressed 400 pounds or whatever,

[00:38:57] it'll be more like, I've got five PhDs.

[00:38:59] They think they're better than other people because of their intellectual achievements and their education.

[00:39:03] And, I mean, I'm highly educated.

[00:39:06] I have two master's degrees.

[00:39:07] A lot of people don't even know that because, you know, I worked hard for my education.

[00:39:11] And, you know, people that work hard for their education,

[00:39:13] they deserve to be recognized.

[00:39:15] If they have a doctor in their name, call them Dr. So-and-so.

[00:39:18] Their respect, they deserve that respect.

[00:39:20] But that's different than being full of yourself and thinking you're better than somebody else

[00:39:25] because there's a lot of self-educated people.

[00:39:27] There's a lot of people that never went to college that are a heck of a lot smarter

[00:39:29] than a lot of idiots who have multiple PhDs, right?

[00:39:32] And that's true, too.

[00:39:33] So, but they seek validation through their intelligence, knowledge, and intellectual achievements,

[00:39:39] often looking down on those they perceive as less intelligent or less educated.

[00:39:43] Each type of narcissist may exhibit different behaviors and motivations,

[00:39:48] but they all share a core pattern of seeking validation and admiration from others while lacking genuine empathy.

[00:39:54] So there's a different focus for each of these.

[00:39:56] One of them is humanitarian and mission work.

[00:39:59] Another one is physical prowess and physical appearance.

[00:40:03] Another one is intellectual and intelligence abilities and education.

[00:40:08] So with a cerebral narcissist, they think they're intellectually superior.

[00:40:12] They act arrogant about it.

[00:40:14] They seek validation through intelligence and knowledge,

[00:40:16] and they belittle others' intellectual ideas.

[00:40:20] How to spot them?

[00:40:21] They correct or lecture others.

[00:40:23] So they'll be the one that just makes sure that you know that they're right about something factually and you're wrong.

[00:40:30] Brags about academic or intellectual achievements.

[00:40:33] Dismisses other opinions or contributions in these areas as inferior.

[00:40:38] They may even talk down on other scholars in their field in a very dismissive or ad hominem way.

[00:40:44] Ad hominem means they attack the person instead of their ideas,

[00:40:47] if there's something flawed about them.

[00:40:49] How to deal with them?

[00:40:50] How to deal with them?

[00:40:51] Respectfully challenge their ideas and opinions.

[00:40:53] So don't roll over.

[00:40:54] You don't argue with them.

[00:40:55] That doesn't work.

[00:40:56] But just be like, well, here's another way of looking at it.

[00:40:59] Acknowledge their intelligence without excessive flattery.

[00:41:02] Don't do this.

[00:41:03] Like, they're like, I have five PhDs.

[00:41:05] And you're like, that's interesting.

[00:41:08] You know, maintain confidence in your own knowledge and abilities.

[00:41:12] Don't let them run you into the ground.

[00:41:14] If you're wrong about something, admit it.

[00:41:15] But don't let them tell you that you're inferior and don't assume that because they are so confident in something they think is right,

[00:41:22] that you're wrong.

[00:41:23] Because that may not be the case.

[00:41:25] Okay?

[00:41:26] So we've already talked about adaptive versus maladaptive narcissism.

[00:41:30] So I'm not going to talk about those some more.

[00:41:32] But those are some of the major kinds of narcissists.

[00:41:36] Now, I just wanted to kind of go back through this and review it a little bit to make sure that I went over them.

[00:41:40] The eight types that Dr. Ramani, I think is how you pronounce her name, categorizes as grandiose or overt, covert or vulnerable,

[00:41:53] malignant, communal, neglectful, benign, and entitled, and generational and cultural.

[00:42:01] Now, a couple of these we didn't go over.

[00:42:02] So let me just go over them real quick.

[00:42:06] The neglectful narcissists do not engage with anyone unless they want something from them.

[00:42:11] I know somebody like this.

[00:42:13] She abandoned her children.

[00:42:15] I know somebody that's raising her children.

[00:42:17] It's caused a lot of issues in that family.

[00:42:19] And she only comes to these people that are raising her four children, or three of her four children,

[00:42:25] because she wants something.

[00:42:27] And she does.

[00:42:28] She just doesn't do much productive stuff in society.

[00:42:32] And she goes from boyfriend to boyfriend and kind of lives off of them.

[00:42:35] I don't want to get into it.

[00:42:36] I don't want to judge.

[00:42:38] But that's an example of a neglectful narcissist.

[00:42:41] People are seen as conveniences for them and not as individuals to have genuine relationships and connections with.

[00:42:47] They use people, in other words.

[00:42:48] And they're usually lazy.

[00:42:51] Not disabled.

[00:42:52] Not disabled.

[00:42:53] Not struggling.

[00:42:55] Intentionally and consistently lazy.

[00:42:57] Okay.

[00:42:58] Benign narcissist is another one.

[00:43:00] Now, we talked about benign.

[00:43:01] Okay.

[00:43:02] Entitled.

[00:43:03] I think we talked enough about grandiose that we don't need to get into that one.

[00:43:07] And generational and cultural is kind of interesting because it's more like a form of narcissism that comes from privilege.

[00:43:14] And this narcissism that comes from privilege is based on a cultural trait that someone may have where they have some kind of advantage that someone else may not have.

[00:43:25] And they look down on somebody else.

[00:43:27] And they think they're entitled to keep that position in society that's higher than somebody else.

[00:43:32] And if this group just gets equality, they see it as a threat.

[00:43:37] It's kind of like some Christians that scream.

[00:43:42] I'm trying to be careful here because I don't want to offend anybody.

[00:43:44] But some Christians will scream persecution just because somebody has a different opinion than them.

[00:43:48] Or if they are a narcissist and they are being a jerk, they'll say, I'm being persecuted because I'm a Christian.

[00:43:54] No, you're being persecuted because you're being an a-hole.

[00:43:57] There's a difference.

[00:43:57] Being a Christian, we're held to a standard to actually be kinder than most people.

[00:44:02] So if you're not...

[00:44:03] Good Christians are actually well regarded in both the Christian community and the secular community

[00:44:09] because people can see their character.

[00:44:12] People can see how they interact with and treat other people and how they carry themselves.

[00:44:15] People with really high narcissistic traits, whether they're Christians or not,

[00:44:20] have a certain characteristic where it's very authoritarian and very entitled and very, I'm better than you.

[00:44:28] And very...

[00:44:29] Well, you get the idea.

[00:44:30] And they'll act like they're the victim when they're actually treating other people like trash.

[00:44:36] So it's very tricky when you start getting into Christianity and stuff because there are Christians that are persecuted.

[00:44:43] There are.

[00:44:43] But there's a lot of people that will scream persecution if somebody even disagrees with them or somebody calls them out for being a jerk about something.

[00:44:51] And it's not because they're a Christian a lot of times.

[00:44:54] It's because of how they're acting.

[00:44:56] And they're projecting that Christianity in a way that's ugly because they're maybe forcing their beliefs on somebody.

[00:45:03] Or they're like, I'm better than you.

[00:45:05] Or I deserve special treatment.

[00:45:07] It's the same traits, but you just put it behind a shield of Christianity, which is sick.

[00:45:12] It's disgusting.

[00:45:13] And it's just a very fine line there because you want to call out this stuff.

[00:45:19] But at the same time, you don't want to undermine people that are trying to do things.

[00:45:24] And sometimes it takes a little bit of being vocal about something to speak up about something about right and wrong, right?

[00:45:30] So you have to look at patterns.

[00:45:33] You have to look at patterns.

[00:45:34] One example, if you want an example, I don't want to get too political.

[00:45:38] I know there are people that like Mark Driscoll.

[00:45:40] I don't generally use names.

[00:45:42] Occasionally I will.

[00:45:43] But in my opinion, I could be wrong.

[00:45:45] But in my opinion, I think Mark Driscoll is a communal and generational and cultural narcissist.

[00:45:51] I think he thinks because he's a man, he's entitled to certain rights that women and other people are not.

[00:45:57] And I also think that he has destroyed people everywhere he's gone.

[00:46:02] And he's done it in a very clever way through being very charismatic and putting on a facade of being this righteous, strong, outspoken person.

[00:46:14] That doesn't mean everything he believes is wrong.

[00:46:16] It doesn't mean he's never spoken up for something that is right.

[00:46:19] He has.

[00:46:20] But if you look at, just listen to the Mars Hill, the Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcast put out, putting out by Christianity Today, I think.

[00:46:30] And you'll see that pattern.

[00:46:32] That's where a pattern emerges.

[00:46:34] Again, I'm not trying to offend anybody.

[00:46:35] But I just wanted to give you an example of a communal narcissist and a generational and cultural narcissist.

[00:46:40] So I'm not trying to get political here, but there are groups that have been marginalized in our culture.

[00:46:46] And there are groups that tend to have more advantages.

[00:46:49] And sometimes that'll get flipped, right?

[00:46:51] And it can go the other way.

[00:46:52] So it's a balancing act where every human being's dignity needs to be upheld, regardless of whether they're white or black or Asian or Hispanic or Native American or some other background or whether they're Christian or some other religion or no religion, male, female or another gender, any sexual orientation.

[00:47:13] You can agree or disagree with somebody, but every human being deserves the basic dignity of respect and kindness and regard and agency, regardless.

[00:47:25] And if somebody is running over that and somebody is pushing that and somebody is not seeing other people or groups of people as human, if they dehumanize people, that is a dangerous area where you start getting into stuff like authoritarianism.

[00:47:41] I mean, and even stuff I don't even want to talk about.

[00:47:45] That's where Hitler, you know, it got to an extreme there, right?

[00:47:48] And then there are people going around calling Joe Biden Hitler and calling Donald Trump Hitler.

[00:47:53] Both men are flawed.

[00:47:55] I'm not going to get into what I think of either one of them.

[00:47:58] But calling either one of them Hitler is ridiculous.

[00:48:01] Even if they have a lot of traits that are bad, and even if they're not people that we like, that doesn't make them Hitler.

[00:48:09] That is, that's hyperbole.

[00:48:11] That's exaggeration.

[00:48:12] Of course, we should be vigilant when we see parallels between our culture and things that happened in 1930s Germany.

[00:48:19] But what I'm saying is, is there's a balance.

[00:48:23] People can go too far the other way where they think, oh, you're a narcissist.

[00:48:26] They're a narcissist.

[00:48:27] Everybody's out to get me.

[00:48:28] That's not the point of this.

[00:48:29] The point of this was just to make you aware, to empower you, to help you to see it in an integrated and balanced way.

[00:48:36] That there are different kinds of narcissists.

[00:48:38] They operate differently.

[00:48:40] How you interact with them is different.

[00:48:41] And I wanted to go over that to educate you and empower you.

[00:48:44] And I hope that this video and that this talk has been helpful.

[00:48:47] And I hope it's educated you.

[00:48:49] And I hope it's giving you more of an idea of what narcissism is and the different types of narcissists that are out there.

[00:48:55] There are probably others that people have categorized.

[00:48:57] But this, Dr. Romani's is a pretty good authoritative background on it.

[00:49:02] And so I used that one and then some of the others that were in some of the articles that I went over.

[00:49:06] So thank you so much for listening.

[00:49:08] God bless you.

[00:49:08] Remember to click the subscribe bell and you'll get notifications anytime a new podcast or video comes out.

[00:49:15] I've got a playlist, a separate playlist for the podcast.

[00:49:17] And you can also go in and look at the playlists in the channel.

[00:49:20] And they're categorized by different topics.

[00:49:22] So that can help you find what you're looking for as well.

[00:49:25] Thank you so much.

[00:49:26] God bless you.

[00:49:26] Have a great day.

[00:49:27] And remember, beloveds, God loves you.

[00:49:30] And you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

[00:49:35] So this has been episode 14, season 4, Types of Narcissists and How to Spot Them.

[00:49:43] And this has been a crossover episode between the YouTube channel and the podcast.

[00:49:48] If you haven't, click the subscribe bell and subscribe to the YouTube channel.

[00:49:52] And you can get more updates on when new things come out.

[00:49:56] Also, I've already done the promoting of things in the video.

[00:50:00] So I won't add any more here.

[00:50:01] But I hope that this video has been helpful for you.

[00:50:04] And I hope it's helped you to consider how you can protect yourself and different types of toxic people that you might encounter in your life.

[00:50:12] Now keep in mind, this isn't about going down a rabbit hole or obsessing or trauma bonding.

[00:50:16] It's about educating and empowering you.

[00:50:18] So don't get too caught up in this stuff.

[00:50:19] But I do want you to be empowered and educated and aware of it.

[00:50:23] Thank you so much for listening.

[00:50:24] God bless you and have a great day.

[00:50:27] And remember, beloveds, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

[00:50:33] Thank you so much for tuning in to this week's episode of Christian Emotional Recovery, hosted by Rachel LaRoy.

[00:50:40] For links to this week's resources and to join the discussion, check out this episode's show notes at ChristianEmotionalRecovery.com,

[00:50:49] where you can also find links to our YouTube channel and Facebook group.

[00:50:53] Join our email list and get other episodes and resources.

[00:50:58] If you enjoyed the podcast, please rate and review the podcast and tell a friend who may benefit from this message.

[00:51:05] See you next time.

[00:51:07] And remember, beloveds, God loves you and you are fearfully and wonderfully made.