The Impact of Narcissistic Abuse on Our Relationship With God is the last episode in the Series on Narcissistic Abuse. When we are raised by people with narcissistic traits, in a rigid religious environment, or we are abused or neglected long term in other ways, we believe the qualities that our caretakers have are also what God is like. Our caretakers are often projecting misconceptions onto God that they were taught as well, and they pass them down to us. As children, we have no other frame of reference for what God is like, who God is, or who we are in Christ. As a result, we are often left confused with mixed messages. We come to see God as rigid, withholding, harsh, judgmental, angry, stingy, or cold.
These misconceptions can cause us harm, making us feel fear, unworthiness, resentment, anger, and even despair in our relationship with God. This causes many to stop believing. It's life changing to separate our misconceptions about God from who God really is based on truth: scripture, healthy psychology, and objective reality. This also helps us heal misconceptions about ourselves. By healing our distortions and projections, we can enjoy a loving, secure, safe, and peaceful relationship with God (perhaps for the first time), run toward God instead of away from Him, and live the life He intended us to live.
Breakdown of Episode
0:00 Introduction to the Episode
3:34 Introduction to the Topic
6:12 How Caretakers Treat Us Impacts What We Think About God
28:39 Distorted Views of God and How We Project These Onto God
44:58 How to Separate Our Projections Onto God With Who He Really Is
56:22 Specific Ways to Heal Our Distortions About God
Bulleted List of Resources
• Healing Distorted Concepts of God in Splashes from Wellsprings by Brian Burke explains how Satan uses distortions about God to mislead us and he goes through nine key distortions we can project onto God.
• What Are the Nine Traits of a Narcissist? by John P. Cunha in E Medicine Health is one of the articles used earlier in the series. By reviewing the qualities of a narcissist, you can start to see parallels between those who may have mistreated you and traits we often project onto God.
• How to Overcome a Distorted View of God as Father by Rachel Britton in Bible Study Tools discusses the nature of God as father through different areas of the Bible to show us the true nature of God as a loving father. Healing our relationship with God the father can heal hurt we may have experienced if we had an abusive or absent father or caretaker.
• Luke 15:11-32 is the story of the Prodigal Son, which is an allegory for our relationship with God. It demonstrates His lavish grace and his scandalous love for us, even when we make mistakes. This shows us the true nature of God's intentions toward us.
• Distorted View of God (chart) by Dale and Juanita Ryan is a chart that shows the major distortions people believe about God and where those come from based on what parents teach us. The other side of the chart includes an affirmation and several scripture that show us who God really is, to heal the distortion. Study this chart closely and repetitively, and it will start to heal and clarify your misconceptions about God.
• Seeing God in New Ways: Recovery from Distorted Images of God by Juanita Ryan in The National Association for Christian Recovery is a great article that explains the list of distortions by giving context to the list in the chart above. I encourage you to read this article as a place to start, as well as study the distortions and scriptures that contrast them. Do this with repetition and you will start to reprogram your mind. If you're in recovery or looking to recovery from addiction, you may want to check out NACR.
• Recovery from Distorted Images of God: 6 Studies for Groups or Individuals by Dale and Juanita Ryan is an amazing free study course that goes well with the article by Juanita Brian and this chart on the distorted images of God. It's a great way to go through your distortions of God, created by childhood programming, and heal them in depth one at a time. You could do this alone or with friends.
• 5 Reasons Why We Have a Distorted View of God on Belief.net by Dr. Chris Thurman is another resource to help you learn about why you have distortions about God.
Other Resources Mentioned in the Podcast (Grace teaching it antithetical to narcissistic abuse, so studying radical grace will help heal narcissistic abuse):
• The Lies We Believe by Dr. Chris Thurman
• Works of Joseph Prince
• What's So Amazing About Grace by Philip Yancey
• The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning
• Grace by Max Lucado
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