Episode 2 Season 6: The Power of Lament: Biblical Examples of Processing Pain

[00:00:03] Hello, Beloveds, and welcome to Christian Emotional Recovery, a podcast for those who are survivors of childhood trauma, emotional neglect, and narcissistic abuse. This podcast is hosted by Rachel Leroy, a college professor and trauma survivor.

[00:00:23] Many of us spend years trying to heal and don't get anywhere. We don't always target the trauma itself, which is so often what keeps us stuck. This podcast is where faith meets science. Rachel is an emotional healing expert with 20 years of experience applying healing modalities that helped her start making progress after nothing else worked. She'll show you how to do the same.

[00:00:51] Each week, we'll cover a topic that will show you how to heal trauma for good. Please check out our website and show notes at ChristianEmotionalRecovery.com and join the Facebook community, Trauma Survivors Unite, Christian Emotional Recovery.

[00:01:16] Hello, everyone, and welcome to Season 6, Episode 2 of Christian Emotional Recovery. I'm your host, Rachel Leroy, and this episode is called The Power of Lament, Biblical Examples of Processing Pain. The Power of Lament, Biblical Examples of Processing Pain.

[00:01:38] And this is Episode 2 of Christian Emotional Recovery Season 6. And the theme of this episode is about lament is a biblical way to process grief and trauma while staying connected to God. A lot of us were taught about spiritual bypassing and emotional bypassing and just kind of coding over things.

[00:02:00] And it is important to have joy in our lives. And it's important to have balance in our lives as well. And God wants us to have joy in our lives and to have joyful moments. But there are moments when it's okay to lament. It's okay to openly process grief and trauma. As a matter of fact, that's necessary for our mental health. And that's what we're going to talk about today. We're going to talk about the psychological and the spiritual side of lament.

[00:02:28] Why it's important at times. Why it's necessary even at times. And also how to approach this topic in a balanced way. Because we're not talking about just lamenting on and on and on or just like wallowing in something where it gets to the point that it's not helpful. Does that make sense? But like there's a natural process to lamenting. And it's okay to let that process go through and to carry through its course naturally.

[00:02:57] But the episode this week will talk about why lamenting is not the same as complaining. Examples of lament in scripture. For example, Psalms, Lamentation, Jesus on the Cross. How lament helps release suppressed emotions instead of spiritually bypassing them. Which is one I really emphasize on this channel. Practical ways to practice lament. For example, writing prayers. Speaking honestly with God and creative expression. And why those are okay. Moving from lament to trusting God's goodness.

[00:03:27] And calls to action. We'll talk about writing your own psalm. Or I would rather say poem of lament. Using Psalm 13 as a model. And scripture focus. One that Psalms 34, 18 is The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. And saves those who are crushed in spirit. So that's what we're going to talk about over the course of this podcast episode. Now just a couple of things before we get started.

[00:03:53] Please remember that I do have an extra job that I'm working now. So I'm just not able to put out the podcasts I used to. And because of health problems and stuff. And some issues that happened with my home. I just did not have the time or the energy or the emotional capacity to create as many episodes this summer as I would have liked. So I'm trying to put out as many as I can while I have about three or four weeks left. And the capability at the moment at least. To be able to put these episodes out for you. So I'm hoping to put out a few.

[00:04:23] I don't know how many. And for this season. And we'll go from there. Okay? So thank you for your patience. But if you would like to contribute to the podcast. If I had like a lot of contributions. That's just being bluntly honest. Nobody's obligated ever. This podcast is always free. The YouTube channel is always free. There's a lot of stuff on the website that's always free. Check out ChristianEmotionalRecovery.com. That's where the podcast is housed. And check out RachelLeroy.com.

[00:04:53] R-A-C-H-E-L-L-E-R-O-Y.com for some more resources. Including some on writing. I'm a writing teacher. And also on the podcast. So I have them both on that website. If you'd like to contribute. There are links in the show notes. The links to those sites are on the show notes. If you would like to join the newsletter. To keep up to date with what's going on with the podcast. That is free. And you can find the link there. And also there is a Facebook group. And I'm trying to get that more active again. It's sometimes hard.

[00:05:22] There are some wonderful people that post encouraging scriptures. And affirmations in there. That keep the podcast active. But I would like for there to be more discussion. And interaction. And emotional support for people. It isn't a place to rant. It isn't a place to dump. So to speak. I don't mean that in a negative way. But if you have a concern. Or something you're going through. Please feel free to share it with us. You're more than welcome. I'm trying to be more responsive. But sometimes it is difficult. With my health problems and responsibilities.

[00:05:51] So thank you for your patience. And if you get in there. Please support one another. It helps me out too. And I greatly appreciate it. If you don't. Can't contribute financially. I have a Patreon. I have a way you can contribute one time. Buy me a coffee. And there's also a way you can do one time contributions through PayPal. So those are some ways you can contribute. But if you can't do that. You can also just go in the group. And provide support to other group members. And that helps me out as well. I'm going to try to get the memes going. I'm sharing in the group again.

[00:06:20] So that I'm sharing encouragement of my own. In addition to the wonderful ladies that are doing that now in the group actively. Okay. So let's go ahead and jump right in. But the power of lament. How the Bible teaches us to process pain without losing faith. Many of us have been taught that faith means staying positive. Right. Trusting God. Moving forward. And there is a time and place for that. And we do need to do that. But while hope is a beautiful part of faith.

[00:06:49] The Bible gives us a different picture of what it means to walk through suffering. And us trauma survivors and abuse survivors. We know a thing or two about suffering. Do we want to get stuck there? No. But the Bible even talks about in Ecclesiastes. There's a time for everything. And it goes through all of these experiences. These universal human experiences and emotions. And so it validates the fact that there is a time when people suffer. And that's part of human life. And does it suck? Yes. It sucks.

[00:07:18] It sucks big time. But that is part of life. And that is part of what we need to embrace about life is the full spectrum of emotions and experiences as they are. Processing things openly and honestly is the only way to heal. So it's about sitting with the emotions but not wallowing in them. Does that make sense? So the Bible is not a book filled only with victory stories. It is. And we talk about those.

[00:07:42] But it's also filled with people who cried, questioned, grieved, struggled, and brought their deepest pain directly to God. And I have a thing or two to say about this. I am wired for needing answers. More than most people, I am wired for justice. I am an INFP. Sorry, an INFJ. And we are the justice people who want to have answers and want for things to fit and for things to work out.

[00:08:12] And we're the people that are activists and all of that. And so it's really hard to be wired that way and then also be highly sensitive and be a trauma survivor and be, I'm an Enneagram 4. I don't know if you know anything about the Enneagram. You don't have to believe in it. If you don't, that's fine. But it's just a personality scale. And I'm a 4. And a 4 is a person who also does a lot of questioning and a lot of thinking.

[00:08:42] Let's put it that way. So the Bible does give us permission to say, God, I don't understand. God, this hurts. God, where are you at? And I think it's even okay to say, what the heck, God? Like, we don't want to blaspheme God, obviously. But there are so many examples in the Bible, especially David and the Psalms. Jesus talking to God. God, Jesus interacting with God when he's on the cross and before he's on the cross.

[00:09:09] And other Bible heroes and antiheroes who talk to God in honest, open, and blunt ways. So those things are not a failure of faith. We're taught that if we ever get to that point that we're failing in our faith, we don't have enough faith. But a lot of you have come to this channel for a reason that I started, the same reason I started this podcast. And that was I got sick and tired of people that were not trauma-informed.

[00:09:38] They might have meant well, but they would tell you, have more faith. Pray more. You just don't have enough faith. You're not reading the Bible enough. You're not casting your care. You're not doing this. You're not doing that. Pfft. B.S. I know if you're at this channel, you're a seeker like I am. And you work your butt off to try to have faith, to try to, you know, fit all of those, check all those boxes, right? But we are not supposed to just check boxes as Christians.

[00:10:09] Christianity and being a follower of Jesus is about an authentic experience. So when you ask those questions, it's not a failure of faith. It's part of the full spectrum of humanity and human experience and human emotion. And not only is it normal, but you're supposed to experience that at times. Not because it's great. Not because it's fun. But because life is messy and it's not perfect. And trauma exists. And terrible things happen in the world sometimes. And that's okay.

[00:10:35] That's why lament gives us an avenue of sort of a stem valve and a way to express that emotion. And it is a form of worship. You know that song by Amy Grant, Better Than a Hallelujah? We pour out our miseries. God just hears a melody. Beautiful, the mess we are. Honest cries of broken hearts or something like that. I love that song because it's so correct and it's so true. And yes, lament is a form of worship.

[00:11:03] And God cares and he hears us and he doesn't get mad at us when we lament. So lament, what is lament? It's the language of a hurting heart that still chooses to turn towards God. Wow, that hits me. Lament is the language of a hurting heart that still chooses to turn towards God. It's a prayerful expression of grief, pain, confusion, anger, and or sorrow while remaining connected to God.

[00:11:31] God is different from complaining. Complaining says this is unfair and I don't trust anything good can come from this. I say sometimes if we need to complain, we should complain. But we should keep that, like don't let it get out of control. Does that make sense? But I'm going to use some adult language here. So if your kids are in the room, pardon me.

[00:11:55] But my aunt and uncle used to have a little mug and it said, bitch a little, you'll feel better. And that actually makes sense. You do have to have a sting valve once in a while. And I don't think that means you go around complaining all the time. But I do know that trauma survivors sometimes look at the negative. And it's not because you're a bad person. It's not because you're negative and you can't think positively. It's not because there's some label on you that just says she's negative all the time. He's negative all the time.

[00:12:23] It's because one of our survival mechanisms is looking for what can go wrong. It's looking for catastrophe. It's catastrophizing. And it's not because there's something wrong with our brain or our minds. It's because we've been wired incorrectly because we've been through so much crap that we feel that that's a way that we protect ourselves. Is it healthy? No. But if you understand why you do that, you can have more compassion on yourself and other people.

[00:12:52] When somebody thinks negatively, when you think negatively, it's understanding where that comes from is at least a place to have compassion on yourself and on other people. That doesn't mean you just endlessly complain or you put up with other people endlessly complaining. But that is a reason, an understanding behind it. Does that make sense? And so lament says this is painful. I don't understand this. But I am bringing my pain to you because I believe you are still here. And sometimes I'm just like, God, what the heck?

[00:13:20] I am so mad at you. I don't know what to think. I'm still here. And I'm still asking you for help. But I don't know what's going on. And so lament is not walking away from God. Lament is bringing your honest emotions to God. So let me repeat that. Lament says this is painful. I don't understand this. But I am bringing my pain to you, God, because I believe you are still here and you still love me and you still have good things for me. Lament is not walking away from God.

[00:13:48] Lament is bringing your honest emotions to God. So why does lament matter for trauma healing? Well, many trauma survivors, like I said, the religious bypassing is something most of us have experienced. And that's caused church hurt and that's caused even religious abuse in some cases. I still want to address those issues in some future podcasts. Those are complicated. So I've yet to find the right way to frame those.

[00:14:13] But I do want to address those because I have so many people who reach out to me and they talk about, is it okay to be mad at God? I feel like God's abandoned me. What do I do? How do I keep faith? How do I not just walk away? And I give them bluntly honest answers about that. But it's not wrapped up in a neat bow. I don't have all the answers. I can't completely answer those questions.

[00:14:35] So I just share my journey and my experience, all the mess of it and how it's difficult and how sometimes you just have to take a break. But I'm not going to get into all that. We'll talk about that in some more podcasts in the future. But many trauma survivors struggle because they learn to suppress their emotions, not just in religious communities and Christian communities and other religious communities, but also in other places. They might have heard things like, don't be angry. Just forgive and move on.

[00:15:04] Don't question God. Everything happens for a reason. Ugh, I hate that one. I used to love it, but now I hate that one. You need more faith. And that last one, I think, could be the most damaging of all. But suppressed pain does not disappear. It often gets stored emotionally, spiritually, and physically. And that becomes chronic illness. That's why lamentation is important. It is physically healthy. Does it feel good? No.

[00:15:30] But it is physically healthy to have a healthy, balanced, safe, emotional steam valve with God, with a therapist, with the strategies that you use. Lament gives us a biblical way to process what happened instead of pretending it didn't hurt. So we can get that garbage out of our body. It comes up and out through our neural network. And we release it. And that's literally what actual healing is.

[00:15:57] That's why we focus on somatic healing in this podcast. That's why we combine science and faith. Because I don't think you can have one without the other when it comes to healing. So as Christians especially, right? It allows us to say, This wounded me. This was not okay. I need someone to protect me. I feel abandoned. I am grieving what I lost. And then we bring those wounds into God's presence. So what are some biblical examples of lament?

[00:16:27] David is the number one in the Bible. And I'll refer to him a lot here. But the honest prayer warrior, so to speak. David is one of the greatest examples of biblical lament. When you're going through something, reading the Psalms out loud to God can be so helpful. If you don't have words and you don't know what to say, then use the Psalms and just say them out loud to God. And that can be your prayer. And God hears you. And that matters to him. And it does help. I've done that before.

[00:16:56] And so although he was a man after God's own heart, David was not afraid to express deep pain. And like, what the heck? Psalm 13, David begins, How long, Lord, will you forget me forever? Does that sound familiar? That was how many thousands of years ago? 46,000 years ago. And that was 2,000, 4,000, 6,000 years ago. Sorry, I know my Bible a little bit, but I'm not good with the chronology. But Old Testament, yeah, that was a long time ago.

[00:17:24] And people are still asking the same questions today. They're universal. They're timeless. And they are important. And David asks, How long will I feel this way? How long will I struggle? How long will my enemies triumph? We probably all know quite a bit about that in our experience. Maybe on a larger level and then on a personal level. David does not pretend everything is fine, but he notices something important. David starts with pain, but he ends with trust. And that can be hard.

[00:17:53] That's not where you force or you bypass, but you have to process in an honest emotional way. But sometimes it's also a choice. There's a balance between it being a choice and not forcing it. That's why you have to process those emotions so that when you trust, it can be more authentic. And trust is not something where you just, I trust you and that's it. It might be a process of two steps forward and one step back. But just keep moving forward and taking those baby steps of trust, of faith.

[00:18:23] Psalms 13 moves from pain to prayer to trust. And David says, But I trust in your unfailing love. I trust in your unfailing love. Lament does not deny the darkness, but it reminds us that darkness is not the end of the story. Lament does not deny the darkness, but it reminds us that darkness is not the end of the story. So some important things here about the book of Lamentations.

[00:18:49] There is a book in the Bible literally dedicated to lament. So if you think there's something wrong with lament, it's biblical. It's right there in the Bible and there's an entire book dedicated to it. Arguably, there's more than one because a lot of the Psalms do this and there's a lot of that in Job as well and other places in the Bible. But the book of Lamentations was written after the destruction of Jerusalem.

[00:19:13] The people of Israel experienced losing their homes, violence, separation from loved ones, hunger, displacement, spiritual confusion. That's generational trauma. They were grieving as a community. But the scripture preserves their grief. It doesn't throw it away. It doesn't sweep it under the rug. It doesn't pretend like it wasn't there. God did not erase their pain from the Bible. He made room for it.

[00:19:38] And that's so that he could talk to us today through their experiences in these words. One of the most powerful passages comes from Lamentations 3. Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed. For his compassions never fail. They are new every morning. And then the verse after that, I know this by heart, the greatest thy faithfulness. And that's where the song comes from, right? It doesn't come from everything's perfect. It comes from the dawn after the darkness, so to speak.

[00:20:06] The sun coming out after the storm. I would rather have a storm right now because it's summer. So maybe the storm after the sun, depending on your preference. But either way, God did not erase their pain. And like I said, the scripture, because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed. For his compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness. The order of that is grief. First comes grief. Then comes hope.

[00:20:32] And then the Bible does not rush people from suffering straight into positivity. It allows them to walk through the valley. It gives them space to air out their grievances, to air out their frustrations and their fears and their sadness and their grief. It gives them a place to air that out. So keep that in mind. And then Jesus himself practiced Lament. The one we all follow practiced Lament.

[00:21:00] One of the most powerful examples of Lament is Jesus on the cross. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? And I think that was just something that came up out of his spirit spontaneously in that moment. It wasn't something he planned. It just came out of him because it was natural. Because Jesus was human and experienced the same temptations and the same trials that we did in every way as a human. The Bible says that. And he said, my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

[00:21:27] So he's acknowledging God, but he feels alone. He feels let down. He feels abandoned in that moment. And he doesn't deny that. Jesus, the Son of God, expressed feelings of abandonment. And that's significant because it shows that experiencing pain, sorrow, feeling distant from God does not mean we lack faith. It's part of our faith journey. But we don't we don't stay there forever. But it is part of our faith journey.

[00:21:55] Jesus was quoting Psalm 22, a psalm that begins in anguish, but ends in trust and praise. Even Jesus's suffering was expressed through lament. If Jesus could bring his pain honestly before the Father, we can too. And another one I think about that's not exactly lament, but it kind of is, is God is literally crying tears of blood. And he asked God, if this cup can pass from me, please spare me this. He's begging God for something.

[00:22:25] He's still obedient to God, but he begs God for something because that's what his heart wanted. And his heart also wanted to obey God. And he chose to obey God. But he did try at least to ask God, please, please. And that is a form of lament, too, I think, at times. So what is the difference between lament and spiritual bypassing?

[00:22:47] So spiritual bypassing happens when we use faith to avoid painful emotions instead of letting God meet us in them. So you can have faith. It can be both and. You can be, I'm devastated by the way I was hurt, but I still trust God and I hope in him. Both and. I experienced this trauma and it hurt my health and my life for a long time. But I know God can heal me. You see how it's both and? It's not either or. It's both and.

[00:23:17] Bypassing just is, well, I'm just going to cover this up. Bypassing can also be just being negative and being like, okay, well, this is never going to work out. This is never going to get better. I've been there. Again, if you go through those valleys, there is nothing wrong with you. That's part of trauma survivors and what they experience and that survival mechanism of being negative about everything. That is not something that's unnatural. That is normal. Okay.

[00:23:42] But we're trying to go from that to a healthy form of lament that still allows you to express your emotions, be honest about them, but do it in a way that is, I don't like to use the word productive, but yeah, productive in a way that's healthier, in a way that doesn't get you stuck or cause more trauma because you can re-traumatize yourself. We've talked about that too. So instead of I'm devastated that I was hurt, you might say, I shouldn't feel this way because God is good.

[00:24:11] No, you are devastated because you were hurt and God is good. Instead of I'm angry about what happened, we might say Christians shouldn't struggle with anger. Oh, really? Jesus himself had anger in very valid ways. And we are human and other Christians did too. And other people in the Bible did too. And you can say, I'm grieving what I lost. And that's okay. You're human. We say, I just need to have more faith. Uh, we've heard all that one.

[00:24:38] And that's literally the phrase that got me started on this podcast. Biblical faith is not pretending pain does not exist. Instead, it's God, I'm hurting and I believe you are strong enough to hold my hurt. God is the embodied presence that holds us in those times. He's the embodied presence that's always there that holds us in those times. I don't know why God doesn't spare us from this stuff. I get so mad because I want God to spare people when I see them in pain. I want him to spare me when I'm in pain.

[00:25:06] There are so many things I ask God, please don't let this happen or please let this happen. And things don't always work out the way we want. And I don't understand that. That tests my faith more than anything. That's hard. When I see it happen to me and when I see it happen to other people, it's hard on my gentle heart. But I have to keep believing and I have to keep going because complete despair is not something. If you've ever been in complete despair where you completely turned your back on God, I have.

[00:25:34] And it is not something I recommend. Express your anger to God. Say what you need to say, but don't do that. And if you do come back. God will not turn his back on you. You read the prodigal son. If you know that story, that's how he comes. You come to him. That's how he treats you. He wants you to come back. He doesn't resent you. He loves you. He loves you more than you will ever know. So how do we practice lament?

[00:26:02] Well, there are a few, you know, that I usually have some concrete practices in most of the podcast episodes because I like to have a practical application for each one. But you might get in a journal and you might write your own psalm or poem of lament. Use Psalm 13 as a template. One thing you can do, too, is read the psalms aloud, like Psalm 13. Read it aloud if you don't have the words. And then use it as a springboard. And then just write your own poem.

[00:26:30] Write your own journal entry or write your own psalm and use Psalm 13 to address God. God, I come to you because. Step one is address God. God, I come to you because. Step two, express your pain. Step two, express your pain. I feel. I struggle with. I don't understand. So this can be a template for a journal entry or a poem or whatever structure works for you. Step three, ask for help. God, I need you to.

[00:26:59] Step three, I need you to, God. Step four, remember God's character. I remember that you are. And then what you know about Christ and God and grace. Step four, remember God's character. I remember that you are. And then step five, choose trust. Even though I don't understand, I choose trust. So let's go through five steps of practicing lament, writing a journal or a poem or a psalm of your own. Psalm 13 is the template.

[00:27:28] Step one, you address God. Step two, express your pain. Step three, ask for help. Step four, remember God's character. Step five, choose trust. And you can mix these in. It's not a formula. I don't really do formulas here. But that just gives you a structure and then you can play with it. And that can give you a way to write journals. Or you could just speak it out to God, out loud. Having it written down or recorded can give you a chance to come back to it later.

[00:27:58] So maybe that can help you process if you need to do it again. So recording it like on your phone or someplace private or writing it in a journal privately are good ways to allow you to come back to it later and see your progress. And if you need to use it again, repetition. And sometimes you need that too, right? So the first one of practicing lament is writing your own psalm. Number two, pray honestly. Some of these can overlap.

[00:28:27] Like you could do sort of a psalm. And, you know, there's some stuff Jesus talks about how to pray in the Bible. And it's like something about with prayer and thanksgiving, present your request to God. Well, that's kind of what you're doing here a little bit. But you're adding the lament in as well. So pray honestly. God already knows what you feel. You do not have to edit your emotions before coming to him. You know the song just as I am. You can pray, God, I'm angry. God, I feel forgotten.

[00:28:56] God, I don't understand why you allowed this. Honesty creates intimacy. And God does not get mad at you when you say that. If you have a relationship where you trust somebody and they trust you, we've all been hurt by people so badly. But when you feel so safe with somebody that if they make a mistake, they boo-boo, they screw up. Or you do to them maybe. You can come to them and say, I feel forgotten. Or why did you do that?

[00:29:25] That hurt me. And you can feel safe doing that because you know they're not going to turn their back on you. You can be honest with them. God's not going to turn his back on you because you're honest with him. He wants you to be honest. And he will talk to you. And he will listen. And he will not turn his back on you if you're honest with him. It is what he wants. He wants you to be healed. And the only way to be healed is to be honest. So that's number two. Pray honestly. Number three.

[00:29:55] Use creative expression. Lament can be expressed through writing, poetry, music, art, journaling, walking prayers, worship. The psalm themselves are examples of emotional expression. You might even sing. If there's a song with grief in it, sometimes listening to that or singing that or both can actually help you to process your emotions as well. I've sung, cried while I'm singing before. So it's okay. That's part of the human experience.

[00:30:24] Again, that's another way to help you lament and to heal. This is about emotional expression. So use creative expression is another one. So moving back to the main part of the talk, moving from lament to trust, lament does not end in despair. It moves towards a deeper trust. Not forced, but just in a natural process.

[00:30:49] Not because our circumstances always immediately change, but because we discover that God meets us in our pain. God meets us in our pain. Not because our circumstances immediately change. That's how you make it without bypassing, without forcing it. You allow your anger and your grief to be there, but you also allow God to meet you where you're at. And you accept that. And that's where honesty and acceptance and surrender come in.

[00:31:19] Honesty, acceptance and surrender. Easier said than done. This is a practice. It's a process. It's not something you learn overnight. It's something you practice and you get better at. But Psalm 34, 18 says, The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. God is not distant from your suffering. He is near to the brokenhearted.

[00:31:41] So some things that I wanted to also talk about the psychological side of lament. Lament itself hasn't been studied as a clinical intervention in the same way of therapies like cognitive therapy, EMDR. But there is a significant body of psychological research that supports the underlying principle of lament,

[00:32:04] which would include in psychology emotional expression, meaning making, grief processing, honest self-reflection, and connection with a supportive attachment figure. For example, as believers, it may be God or Jesus. So science is discovering that scripture has modeled for thousands of years what it has modeled for thousands of years. Avoiding pain often prolongs suffering. I don't know if you've ever heard that saying, what you resist persists. That sucks.

[00:32:34] I hate that. But it's true. What you resist persists. While processing pain in the safe environment promotes healing. I'll say that again. Science is discovering that scripture, what it's modeled for thousands of years, avoiding pain often prolongs suffering, while processing pain in a healthy and safe way promotes healing. So some evidence of that. Emotional suppression can increase distress.

[00:33:01] For example, James Gross on emotional regulation has shown that routinely suppressing emotions can increase physiological stress responses and make emotional processing more difficult. That's why I emphasize somatic or body work in this podcast. It's about emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, and body work. So some ways people suppress, I shouldn't feel this way. I need to get over it. I can't be angry.

[00:33:30] I have to be strong. They may actually eliminate the emotion. They may push it underground. I should say they don't eliminate the emotion. They push it underground. That connects strongly with a biblical lament. The lament says bring the emotion into the light instead of burying it. So you need to bring that up and out. It's toxic for your body. It's toxic for your mind. It's toxic for your spirit. You'll become eternally angry if you don't let that stuff out. That's the irony. You need to healthfully, healthfully express that emotion.

[00:34:00] Not get caught up in it where you just get caught in a circle. That's easy. And then you have to break that cycle, right? So naming the emotion helps regulate the brain. Matthew Lieberman, a psychologist, and his colleagues found that effective labeling, affect labeling, putting feelings into words can reduce emotional intensity. In simple terms, I feel overwhelmed. I feel abandoned. I feel angry.

[00:34:27] Naming the emotion can help move the brain purely from a reactive state towards a more regulated state. Again, that doesn't mean you just keep doing it over and over, but there's a time and a place. That parallels lament prayers through scripture. David simply says, how long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? He identifies the pain, the fear, the perceived abandonment, and the need for help. Another psychological concept here, trauma healing requires processing, not avoidance.

[00:34:57] Research shows that avoidance is one of the biggest factors that keeps symptoms going. That's what narcissists do, right? They avoid their pain and their shame at all costs, and it just builds and builds and builds. And then how do they behave? It comes out in all these toxic and harmful ways towards themselves and other people and their environment. And that's another thing. If you don't process your pain, you can hurt other people, people that you love, people that you don't want to hurt, your children, your parents, your siblings, your friends,

[00:35:24] your spouse or whoever, your pet even. But when painful experiences are avoided completely, the brain can continue treating them as unresolved threats. Because when you have unresolved trauma, when something comes up that triggers it, it doesn't know the difference between the fact that something happened 30 years ago or 10 years ago or it's happening now. It just responds to it like it's new. And it brings that old stuff up.

[00:35:48] And that's where cognitive processing therapy, prolonged exposure therapy in a healthy way, and EMDR all involve carefully approaching painful memories rather than endlessly avoiding them. It helps you to bring that stuff up and out of your chakras, so to speak. You don't have to believe that. But all of your nervous system's levels and brings it up and out, and it allows it to air out and come out of your body so you heal.

[00:36:15] And that's why sometimes it's difficult, and it's painful, and it's scary to process this stuff. And that's why you have to do it a little bit at a time with somebody who is helpful and trustworthy and trauma-informed and using the right tools and processes. So pain is acknowledged. It's brought into relationship. It's processed, and it's integrated. So the goal is not to relive suffering forever, but to allow the experience to become part of a larger story. It's not about reliving suffering for its own sake.

[00:36:45] It's about allowing the experience to come up and out of your neural network and integrating it in processing it. So meaning-making is another form of recovery that you can use to help you with lament. And that is it helps people recover from trauma. One of the strongest findings in trauma psychology is that healing often involves creating meaning from suffering. Researchers such as Crystal Park have studied meaning-making after trauma and loss.

[00:37:13] People often heal when they can move from, why did this happen to me, toward how can I understand this experience? How can I move forward? So why did this happen is a normal question. There's nothing wrong with it. But if you can sort of tweak it a little bit towards, how can I understand this better? How can I move forward? Or what good can come out of this even though it did happen? God didn't give you the pain so you could grow.

[00:37:38] But when pain happens, what the enemy meant for your harm, God can use for your good. So let him use it to help you grow. You see the difference? It's not, oh, well, I'm going to give you some pain so you can grow because you're just not there yet. No, no. No, things happen. God does allow bad things to happen. But when they happen, God can take what was meant for your harm and use it for your good. You can say, God, this hurts. God, where are you?

[00:38:08] I remember who you are. And you kind of go in those steps gradually without forcing. The circumstances may not immediately change, but the person's relationship to pain can change. And that's the first step to changing your circumstances. Another psychological strategy, safe relationships help heal trauma. Attachment research shows that humans heal through safe connection. And this has been one in the last year, year and a half that I have experienced more now

[00:38:38] than any other time in my life. You need safe, healthy human relationships, whether they're in person, online, on the phone, or something. And just whatever, anything that's healthy and safe and loving. It can even be a pet. And you can say, I am alone. Nobody cares. I have to handle everything myself. That's what the beliefs are created when you're alone. But lament restores connection.

[00:39:05] Instead of suffering alone, the person says, God, I am bringing this pain to you. If there's nobody else, you have God. God, I am bringing this pain to you. I am not alone because you are here. I hurt. I don't know why this is happening, but you are here. Your embodied presence is holding me safely, warmly, sweetly, kindly, genuinely. So for many believers, prayer functions as a secure attachment practice with God, a place where they can be heard, held, and accepted by God.

[00:39:35] Number six, psychology strategies that show the connection between lament and the research behind it. Grief research supports expressing pain. And that's not just grieving a loss or a death. It's also grieving anything that you might not, that might not have happened that was good. Anything bad that happened that caused so much pain. Anything. Trauma is grief, right?

[00:40:02] But confronting the pain of the loss and engaging with life and hope, healthy grieving involves moving between those. It's not all or none. Confronting the pain of the loss and engaging with life and hope. And yes, you can do both at the same time. This is called the dual process model of coping with bereavement. And that's strobe and shoot. That's where that comes from. The dual model process of coping and grieving is confronting the pain of loss and engaging with life and hope.

[00:40:30] That's where I was talking about that both and concept, right? Healthy grief is not ignore the pain. Healthy grief is make room for the pain while continuing to live. Make room for the pain while continuing to live and allowing yourself to be loved. Allowing yourself to love and to be loved. And that's essentially what lament teaches. It's about open connection and honesty. It's not about closing oneself off and just forget the world. I give up. I hate you.

[00:40:59] There might be a stage where you go through that and that's okay, but don't stay there. Don't stay there. It can be so painful. There was one time I was like, God, I don't even know if I believe in you. I don't even know if you're there. I don't even know if you exist. But the thought of you not existing, of me not loving you is so unbearable that even if you're not there and you don't love me, I'm going to choose to love you anyway. And that caused some kind of breakthrough in me I can't explain at that moment. And I choose to love you anyway is sort of that lament process.

[00:41:30] But the body connection is another concept that psychology connects to lament, trauma, and the nervous system. Modern trauma research also recognizes that trauma is not only a thought, it is a body experience. Unprocessed stress can contribute to hypervigilance. Oh my gosh, I've struggled with that, especially this summer. I'm not there yet. I haven't got all the answers, but I'm working on it. I'm working on it. And I'm getting a little bit better.

[00:41:55] An anxiety, emotional shutdown, difficulty feeling safe, and not to mention all of those toxic things that can cause chronic issues in your body. Practice is connected to lament, slow prayer, breathing, crying. Yes, it's okay to cry. I can't tell you how many times I've cried this summer. And that's just where I'm at right now. And that's okay.

[00:42:20] Personality and journaling, singing, worship, and emotional expression are all ways that can activate the parasympathetic nervous system and support regulation. In other words, it lets a lot of that stuff out, like I talked about, out, up and out through your neural network and freeze it out of your body so that you drop that baggage and it's gone and it's not weighing on your bones and your tissues and your organs and your muscles and your experiences and your emotions and your brain. You're free of it.

[00:42:47] And that's just maybe, maybe you're one pound lighter after a good cry of a thousand pounds you're holding. But if you do that slowly over time, then you're 200 pounds lighter. Then you're 500 pounds lighter. You get the idea. You process a little bit at a time. So basically, those are some of the strategies you can consider connecting lamenting to psychological research. Emotional suppression can increase distress. That's the first one.

[00:43:15] Naming emotions helps regulate the brain. That's the second one. Trauma healing requires processing, not avoidance. The third one. Number four, meaning making helps people recover from trauma. Number five, safe relationships with God and other people and pets and other neural systems like animals, plants help heal trauma. Grief research supports expressing pain. And that's six and seven, the body connection, trauma, and the nervous system.

[00:43:45] Letting that up and out of your body. Okay? Now, in this podcast, I will add those, the sources there. So you can use any of them or look them up or read about them if you want to further explore one of these concepts. I'll add the scriptures. I'll add all of that stuff. But I did want to add one note here. And that is, even with lament, there is a balance. And it doesn't mean that you just go on and on and on with this.

[00:44:15] There's a process to it. There's not a way of forcing it. There's no way of knowing how long it takes. But you have to figure that out and understand your own mind and your own body enough to trust yourself and trust God and allow this to be a process. So that one of the reasons you're in lament, lament has its own purpose. It doesn't need to have something. Well, I'm grieving so I can get out of grieving. Allow yourself to be there. It has its own lifespan. But there's a time where you move to the next stage.

[00:44:45] There's the stages of grief, right? You may go back and forth between them. But, and we'll talk about, maybe talk about the stages of grief. That might be helpful. But you don't just go one, two, three, four, five. You might go one, two, three, two, two, four, three, one, five, four, three, five. But you're moving forward overall. So let yourself have that process and just don't stay there forever. But don't force it. Okay? And that's pretty much what the podcast was about.

[00:45:12] So we talked about a modern psychology is confirming something scripture has known for thousands of years. Healing doesn't come from pretending pain doesn't exist. Research shows that suppressing emotions can increase distress, can cause trauma, can harm the body. While naming emotions, processing experiences, and finding meaning can support body and mind and spiritual healing. Biblical lament gives us a framework for doing exactly that.

[00:45:40] It allows us to bring our deepest wounds into the presence of God where pain can be witnessed, processed, and transformed. Okay? Okay? So I did want to post one thing about balance here. One caution that I want to include is that a trauma-informed Christian audience, lament is not staying stuck in pain or endlessly revisiting wounds forever. Healthy lament moves through a process. Honesty, grief, connection, meaning, and hope.

[00:46:09] And you may go through the stages of grief in different ways back and forth. And that's okay, too. That's part of the process. But you shouldn't stay in the earlier painful stages forever. Part of lament is that there is an outcome to it, even if you're not thinking about that when you're going through it. You don't go through pain and say, I'm doing this so I can let it out of my body. You know, you just go through it. And then you allow yourself to move to the next step and you allow yourself to be where

[00:46:35] you are, but you gently move yourself forward and allow like spiritual guides, like a trauma-informed minister or counselor, somebody like that, a friend, and your strategies and your tools to help you to move through this where you're moving forward overall. So that balance is actually where the strongest overlap between scripture and psychology appears, is making sure that you are moving in the right direction overall. That's just a caution that I wanted to put out there.

[00:47:03] So it's not about staying stuck forever or just going in circles. That's actually re-traumatizing. It's about moving forward overall in a natural way, not in a forced way. Okay? So we have talked about, we have talked about why lamenting is not complaining. Examples of lament in scripture, how lament helps people, helps release suppressed emotions instead of spiritually bypassing them.

[00:47:29] Practical ways to practice lament and moving from lament to trust in God's goodness. And then psychology, how it connects and how the research is there that backs this, if not directly, indirectly of the importance and the healthiness of natural lament as a process that moves you forward naturally. Okay. So this has been episode two, season six, and this is the power of lament, biblical examples of processing pain.

[00:47:58] And it has been wonderful talking to you. I'm sorry this got kind of long. Thank you for following me on this journey. Remember that God loves you and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Have a great day. Thank you so much for tuning in to this week's episode of Christian Emotional Recovery, hosted by Rachel Leroy. For links to this week's resources and to join the discussion, check out this episode's

[00:48:24] show notes at christianemotionalrecovery.com, where you can also find links to our YouTube channel and Facebook group. Join our email list and get other episodes and resources. If you enjoyed the podcast, please rate and review the podcast and tell a friend who may benefit from this message. See you next time. And remember, beloveds, God loves you and you are fearfully and wonderfully made.